Dear Monsters, Be Patient
by Of Wolves And Dogs
Summary: To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease. Nick x Ellis
1. Kill Me The King

**summary:** To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease.

**pairing:** Nick x Ellis

**rating:** 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patient  
Kill Me. The King.**  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

**"**_But I fear hes lower than before  
Though he's stronger than he looks  
He's made of feathers mixed with oil and small servings  
Of hands and feet, up so high  
"How do they flutter so damn high?"  
Now begin the search that hails you home  
"I think I lost my means."  
He said with his face in the cup  
Desperate times make for desperate people**."**_

Kill Me. The King. - Portugal The Man

* * *

A grin couldn't help but dance on my face as I leaned against the seat in the helicopter. We were saved, finally out of this hell hole and toward safety. "I cannot wait to take a shower. I reek!" I exclaimed, feeling a heavy burden be taken off of my chest as I stretched in relief.

"Yeah! Ya do! You still got Spitter goo in your hair!" Ellis chimed in brightly, causing me to scoff and tentatively touch my greased locks of hair.

"Shut it, Overalls! You smell like a back-end of a toilet."

Ellis puffed his chest up, flexed his arms and stuck his chin proudly up in the air, "Well hell that's 'cause that's the smell of a king! King of the Zombie Killers!" Coach patted Ellis on the back as Rochelle gave a whoop in joy and applauded the youth. I felt myself giving in as I gave my famous 'you guys are idiots' smile, feeling my hands lazily join Rochelle in applauding Ellis. We really made it. We really made it through in one piece - which was really surprising. Somehow we managed to keep all our limbs intact and somehow our spirits remained... Or maybe not. I couldn't tell and I wasn't a fucking psychologist, so I could care less.

"Hey, y'all! I see it! I see it!" Ellis suddenly exclaimed as he leaned curiously from his seat, pressing his face against the small hole of a window like a child. I couldn't understand Ellis and how he was so damn optimistic about everything. Even when the group was to their chest in mud and guts, tired and about to collapse...Ellis was there to spur them on as he chatted about some idiotic adventure with this Keith. Must be a red-neck thing...because I wasn't sure how he could be so ridiculously hopeful when things looked so ugly.

The helicopter landed shortly after Ellis pointed out the camp - the 'safe zone'. Ushered out by military personal, Ellis shot me a grin I couldn't help but return. My god, was it so good to not have to worry about a zombie lurking about. To never hear a Witch cry in the night and worry about startling her. To never smell and be covered in goo. Tilting my head to look at the others I found Coach grinning madly and talking about how he couldn't wait to eat a real meal and sleep on a real bed. Rochelle was busy smiling warmly, silent tears running down her cheeks as she stared happily at there salvation.

Wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her close, I flashed a devilish grin, "So how about you scrub my back and I scrub yours?" Rochelle chuckled, playfully pushing the conman off of her as she lightly shook her head.

"Always ruining my good moments, Nick. Such a monster," she teased and I gave a coy wink in response. I could never imagine myself with Rochelle, not even for a one-night stand at best. The woman was too motherly for my taste - have you _seen_ her baby Ellis, Jesus Christ it makes me sick - and too driven for my attitude. So without another word, I lightly swiped at her face, brushing away the tears. She lightly slapped away my hand before rubbing her eyes, mumbling something about 'don't try to impress me now'.

Hands grabbed us.

Eyes flared to life, instinct instantly kicking in as I snarled against the hold. Jerking to my right, my eyes found my attackers were officials in the hazmat suits. A part of me resisted while the other calmed down - there were not infected and instead just army personal. The others continued to fight against there holders, but I was torn between doing the same and letting things happen. What on earth were they going to do with us? Give us some shots and run some blood tests? That wasn't so bad.

Oh did I eat my words...

Hands undressed us - or rather tore the clothes right off of us. It was that that stirred me back into action, my teeth barred in insult as hands shoved me roughly to the wall. I was pinned down like a dog as gloved hands cruelly ripped at my already ruined white suit. We could take off our own goddamn clothes by ourselves, thank you very much! No matter how much we assured them we were capable of the action and not handicapped in any way, they continued with their work.

Annoyed they took my rings, I dwelled on the numerous of ways I would rip their heads off if they dared burn them with our clothes. Those rings cost a fuckload of money (oh alright, I actually stole them, but they were worth quite a lot). It seemed Coach and I were dealing with this rather well in comparison to Rochelle and Ellis. Ellis looked like a lost child in a store while Rochelle looked absolutely traumatized, her arms covering her chest rather poorly. I could issue out a seductive phrase, but I doubted that now was the appropriate time.

Things were happening so quickly, the four of us shoved into a cement-walled room. Cement walls, cement ceiling, cement floor...oh, this was beginning to look familiar. Looked like a goddamn prison cell minus the bars. My quick eyes hastily examined my surroundings, ignoring the cold air that nipped at my bare skin. Coach was busy murmuring words of reassurance to us all, that there was a good reason to this treatment. Reminding us that God saved us and brought us to safety. So many things could have gone wrong in the past like Virgil leaving without them, the military not waiting for them on the bridge, the helicopter crashing, etc, etc.

I didn't believe in God. I didn't believe in anyone except for myself. It was about looking after 'number one' and yet I couldn't help but feel a rising fear for us all. Something was terribly wrong about this room and I was ready to complain.

A door opened to silence me, revealing three hazmat-adorned individuals dragging hoses with them. Oh god. I knew what was going to happen now. "Fucking bitches. What is this!? Fucking concentration camp!?" I spat out angrily, causing the other three teammates to stare worriedly at me before turning back to the hazmat individuals. This was a cruel routine and it made my insides twist in disgust to know they were doing this en masse. A public humiliation show and entertainment for these dogs. There was no need for this - haven't we gone through enough? Apparently not, because the hoses were soon turned on to release a violent torrent of water. I was the first to feel the impact, my back roughly hitting the wall at the force of the water. The oxygen whooshed out of my lungs, leaving me gasping rather pathetically.

I loved a good shower, but this was not what I had in mind.

It bit into my skin, and it felt as if it was stripping every layer of skin off of me. I could feel it rip at tender flesh still not fully healed, causing me to grit my teeth. I refused to cry in pain and give these bastards the satisfaction they got me. From a far I could hear Coach curse out a storm, and I struggled to open my eyes, turning my body so my back was gaining the full blow. Rochelle had been knocked off her feet from the blow and I watched her struggle to scramble to her feet, but was failing miserably. Everything she tried, the water would only knock her down again. Snarling violently, I carefully moved toward her, my now calloused hand pulling her to her feet and pressing her against the wall. We were a team. We were a fuckin' team and I risked my life too many times and saved there asses far too many times to let these dogs treat us like this.

Shielding her from the spray of the water, feeling my jaw lock in place from being so tense, I stared down at Rochelle. Her hair was out of it's neat ponytail, dark curls soaked as her petite body was pulled against my muscular frame. There she sobbed against my chest, hands clinging on to me as I resisted the urge to follow suit. It felt like someone was grabbing sandpaper and rubbing it savagely against my body, seeing if they can scrub through skin, muscles and bone. My body screamed and ached at the pain being administered, but strangely enough...it lessened. A hand touched my back and my eyes flickered to my left to see a hulking Coach beside me, helping me shield Ro moreover myself in turn. Soon Ellis was on my other side and Rochelle cracked a grateful smile through her tears as I gave thanks silently through my hardened face.

If it was any other time and situation I would have retched at the idea that all of us were as naked as they day we were born and pressed against each other. But my heart was too cold at the moment to think of such a thing and instead I only allowed this encase my heart even further in ice. Nothing could describe the unbearable hatred I now bore for the military...

The Infected had more class than these monsters.

* * *

I sat on the plastic, chalk-yellow chair that was meant for middle school students not a grown man of thirty-five. Now I've seen psychologists before and I've seen the interior of their offices before, and this was flat-out disgraceful. I was expecting the leather couch, the warm-colored room and perfect room temperature. Instead I got a dinky plastic chair that would give a high-pitch squeal whenever I shifted in it. So I sat uncomfortably, the walls stark white, the desk cold gray that matched the temperature of the room. I rather be lying in my cot with the distributed wool blanket suffering from severe back aches than be sitting here.

I hate psychologists, and this one was not rubbing me the right way. This regal blonde looked like a copy of Kristen Bell: petite, pleasing to the eyes and looked like the grand queen of bitches when frowning deeply. It was a shame this look-a-like was constantly in her 'bitch mode' as she instantly shot down my charming words the minute I entered. Here I was this cleaned, shaven, devilishly handsome creature who was offering up _my_ time...and she shot me down like a goddamn zombie.

So I sat with a bored look on my face as my body twitched uncomfortably every now and again at the silence in the room. Why on earth was it required for me to be here in the first place!? I understood that when you're kicked in the pen, you need to be looked at once in a while by the prison's well-paid psychologist. It made sense: if you commit a crime, expect to be questioned. But I didn't commit a crime, for god's sake. I shot down things that were no longer human, risked my life for three others and traversed miles and miles for safety. I deserved a fuckin' badge! A medal for my heroics! A freakin' pack of cigarettes! Was it that hard to reward a hero?

"So what's the verdict, Doc? Am I heading straight to the looney bin?" I broke the silence with my snide comment, sick of watching her scrawl down on her cheap notepad with her cheap black-felt pen. I sneered with perfected ease as I tried to reveal that through my posture, but the stupid chair made it impossible for you to do anything except sit there rigidly. God did I hate the education system.

"I am diagnosing you with a severe case of depression," she replied calmly after a moment of silence, gently placing down her pen on the desk, neutral milky-blue eyes staring at the conman. I furrowed my brows and shot her a look of befuddlement at this statement. Depression!? Severe case of depression!? What on earth was this woman smoking after office hours? So I shook my head, blinked blankly for a while before giving a throaty chuckle. Me? Depressed? Ha! That's like claiming Coach was anorexic, Ellis was intelligent, and Rochelle was a D-cup. It was complete bullshit.

"_Riiigghht_," I drawled, lightly scratching the underside of my chin as I stared curiously at the blank walls. Classy. I honestly love what she did to this place. Puts me at ease with the world. "Let's try this again, shall we? I'll get up, walk through the door again, you'll agree to a date and we can say goodbye to these stiff uniforms," I purred, gracing her with a seductive wink. She did not show any responsive signs and I began to wonder if she was a robot. Who the hell could resist a wink from Nick - oh man, she's probably a lesbian.

"Nicholas," she began and my eyes narrowed in warning as I heard the combination of _the _tone and my full first name. It made me think of my ex-wife and already all the ugly thoughts were pouring in like a broken pipe. "From what you have answered and from what I have seen in the last four weeks, you suffer from a severe case of depression. Shall I run down the symptoms for you?" she finished crisply, obviously annoyed with my behavior for the past four weeks but still digging into her slowly draining pool of patience.

"Enlighten me, sweetheart," I cheekily replied.

"Let's start with the obvious first. From what has been observed, you have been abusing your appetite by hardly eating - "

"Look, _woman_, before I got to this crystal-clean hole of yours I was eating shit food. Meaning I was chugging soda and stuffing my face with junk food. It's not because I'm going through a mid-life crisis or was dumped by a girl, it's because there's a fuckin' zombie apocalypse going on out there and that's all that was available. I tried to ask a Witch where the nearest DB Bistro Moderne was but I had to put the bitch down because she was trying to kill me. Story of my life! So forgive me if '_real'_ food makes me a tad nauseous, my body is still trying to adjust from the sugar diet I've been on," came the sharp response in nearly one breath, nearly impressing myself by the fact I was able to say all of that. Goddamn, Ellis' habits were rubbing off on me. I told you stupidity was contagious.

The woman continued on, unfazed and calm, "You show signs of constant aggressive behavior. Constantly lashing out at others and even now you are being unreasonably irritable. So please sit down so I can further explain these symptoms and how you should deal with them..." I blinked in confusion. Sit down!? What the fuck was she preaching about - oh. I realized I was hovering over her desk, hands clenched into fists by my side and breathing down at her like a rabid dog. Feeling a wave of embarrassment grip me, I made my way back to my seat and listened wearily to her explain that inside and out I was fucked up.

I fucking hate psychologists.

* * *

Vibrant eyes of rustic emerald burned holes through the wall, body slouched as a hand held a chin in it's palm. Coming to the safe zone was almost as dreadful as the trench through zombie-infested towns and lands. The 'safe zone' was supposedly under the control of CEDA, but it was all but clear that military had taken over. CEDA has proved to lose there flair and knack of saving the asses of mankind, and now military dogs patrolled the area. While CEDA were asses, the military were cruel and terribly methodical in their methods of keeping people clean. Joke about being infected and expect to find yourself dead in a heartbeat. Become sick - whether it is you just catching the sniffles - and expect to be quarantined and thoroughly examined and cleaned.

I recalled bitterly the first step we took on the grounds. It just made me sick.

Rubbing the back of my head, mussing my dark locks, I combed through my hair with my fingers to slick it back once a complete mess - and what was worse was that they banned all alcoholic beverages and cigarettes were like fuckin' gold in this joint. Maybe if I had some nicotine and wine in my system I would be all peachy-keen-like once again. Rolling my eyes as I thought for the seventieth time that I was somehow suffering from depression. Ha! What a laugh!

"Nick?" the voice was accompanied with a knock. My head lolled to the left, brows silently raised in a dark humored 'what', as I watched Rochelle enter my room. Or to define it even more, my room that I shared with that talkative hick Ellis. I suppose I should be grateful that it's Ellis and not Coach... Coach and I were on bizarre terms and he always managed to shut me up, making me scowl and hiss at myself for being so damn submissive. I liked to reassure myself it's because Coach might actually eat me like a sundae with a cherry on top or he might rearrange my face by chucking a football at my face. "So...how did it go?" she inquired, standing rather awkwardly at first in the room before taking a seat on Ellis's cot.

"Same old, same old," I mumbled, trying to push away the great annoyance that was building up in me. I honestly didn't want to talk to _anyone_ at the moment. I especially didn't want to talk to _anyone_ about my fucked up problems.

"Nick," she sighed, a knowing tone in her voice that made me cringe. Was I _that_ obvious that everyone could read me? Putting on my poker face and giving her a shrug that reeked of innocence, she sighed once more and lightly pulled something out of the oversized pocket in the standard, pastel-blue uniform's pants. My nose twitched in familiarity and my eyes stared at an unopened pack of Lucky Strike. While Lucky Strike was far from my usual choice of cigarettes, I was willing to inhale these babies anyhow. I must have showed some sort of sign I was eager for the smokes, because she shot me a warm smile and moved over to sit right next to me.

"You bribing me, Ro?" I mused wryly, my eyes glued on the pack of cigarettes as she lightly shrugged in response.

"No, just here to help loosen your tongue a bit..." oh so innocent was the voice, but I knew better. With a huff, I snatched the Lucky Strike and opened the box with calculating eyes. All were there and accounted for, and that made me hum in satisfaction. I would have to go outside to smoke, but knowing I actually had something to smoke was enough to put me at a calm ease with the world. See, I told you all I needed were some cigarettes...now how about that bottle of wine?

"Apparently," I mused, closing the box and shoving it into my pant's pocket, "Doc thinks I have a severe case of depression..." I waited for her to laugh, to call out 'bullshit' just like I did to the psychologist...but she just sat there nodding quietly. So I carefully supplied her lines, "Bullshit, isn't it?"

Still no response. I could feel my insides begin to twist into an intricate knot, not willing to look at Rochelle in fear of her expression. "Rochelle, you honestly can't be believing this shit," I huffed, becoming more annoyed now and finding out I liked it better when she was talking and not doing her pensive thinking shit. I liked it better when we were all cursing at the Infected, shooting first then asking questions, and being hushed for being a complete pessimist in the group. I liked it when people diagnosed me as being the asshole. That I could live with. Being depressed? Not something I was enjoying at the moment - which I am not, by the way. Depressed, I mean. I'm not. I mean it. Shut the fuck up.

"Oh Nick," she sighed out in surrender as she lightly rubbed my back with her hand. It was meant to be a comforting gesture but it only seemed to piss me off even more. I liked Rochelle, she was one I would willingly go out of my way to heal and protect. The others I could care less - maybe it was me being chivalrous, but something told me I should mind my manners with her. But right now...she was grating on my nerves with her compassion crap. I was tempted between either childishly shoving her hand aside and moving away from her like the plague. So I did what I did best...and do both.

Snarling like a harmed lion, I shoved her hand aside and rose to my feet in a hurry as if her hand stung me. "Don't give me that sympathy crap. Don't play that card on me. I'm not depressed. I'm fine - my fuckin' god, I'm as fine as I can be after going through a zombie apocalypse. I'm not depressed...that's a woman's disease!" I spat out darkly at her, and I watched her flinch under my harsh tone. She obviously didn't take kindly to my words because she slowly stood up with great patience despite the pursed lips. Oh, I knew that look. My ex-wife would give it to me when she was ready to slap the living daylights out of me. So I did what I did best when my ex-wife was looking on the brink of getting physical: I goaded her on. "And what about you, Rochelle? What's your diagnosis? PTSD? You having bad dreams at night, Ro? Still see them tearing at your insides?"

The slap came and I took it with a bitter, knowing grin.

"For a matter of fact, _Nick_, I do." With a firm shut of the door, she was gone, leaving my dark humored victory turning into a somber show. I felt my insides grow cold as my words were suddenly replayed back to me, realizing what I said to someone who literally pulled my ass out of the fire many times before. But I'm Nick...I'm a conman. I fuck people mentally and physically, and I loved it. I have an ego that needs tending to...and my pride told me not to go after her and apologize. So I cursed at myself and made my way outside, ready to smoke my troubles away and hope that I'll wake up and realize this is just a dream...

Tch. Yeah fuckin' right.

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review!_


	2. Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

**summary**: To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease.

**pairing:** Nick x Ellis

**rating**: 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patien****t****  
Mirror, Mirror On The Wal**l  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

**"**_Give me a reason to end this discussion,  
To break with tradition. To fold and divide.  
Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,  
Talking with strangers, waiting in line...  
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.  
"Are you feeling fine?"  
Yes, I feel just fine.**"**_

_- Everything is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack_

_

* * *

_

I lightly observed the two colored pills in the plastic cup, tilting it to the left to hear them clatter about. Tilted it to the right, watched them tumble over each other like obese children toppling down from a hill. The simile made me give a cruel grin, god was I waiting for the big man up in the clouds to smite me. I was waiting for lighting to strike me right on the forehead, send volts of electricity throughout my system and fry me like a convict on a toasty Sunday morning. Sniggering like a hyena at my dark thoughts, the younger male beside me chirped out a questioning, "Watcha doing?"

My eyes slid slowly to the right, watching a smiling Ellis regard me with this childish sense of awe. It was like looking at a child at a theme park who just spotted a dressed up character from one of his favorite TV shows. I gave a sneer, my emerald eyes regarding him like the idiot I saw him to be as he continued to smile brightly at me with those milky-blue eyes. Could the kid be anymore disgustingly naive - and dare I say - cute? Made me want to vomit out sunshine and sparkles.

"Overalls...I am looking at my future," I sighed, tilting my head upward with a 'holier-than-thou' attitude reeking through my skull. It was all show to piss off my two other companions who received there own cups of medication. Each had there own pills which could be vitamins or prescription drugs for those who were becoming a bit...unstable with reality. Ha, lucky me! I had a heavy hunch Ellis just previously shoved vitamins down his throat. The kid was perfectly fine, if you ask me. Maybe if I shitted out unicorns and rainbows during the fight out on ground zero I would have been crusin' in Pleasantville like Mr. Sunshine over here. I didn't know how Coach was faring, but he was big boy. I'm sure he can take care of himself. They probably gave him some comfort food and presto, he's good as new. Rochelle was taking her brightly colored pills and I have deadened myself from feeling remorse about my previous comment to her.

Something in me...refused to do this. To sink into this therapy shit that everyone else was following. I am no follower. Oh well damn, this was certainly some One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest shit going on over here.

"Really, Nick? Seeing into the future? Did I ever tell ya about the time Keith and I went to see a fortune teller? Oh man, was it weird! Had all these crazy smellin' stuff that made ya all sleepy! _Shiiiit_, if she could have told me about this zombie stuff I would have been prepared! Guns and all!" he grinned as I stared silently at him, feeling my insides only tighten in that terrible knot once more. I was beginning to find out that it was a sign I was about to lose it. Really, doctors? Depression? I think I'm just growing impatient. Nothing wrong with being impatient. Fuckin' doctors...fuckin' psychologists.

Ellis must have seen something in my face because he quieted himself up before inquiring happily, "So what did ya see? Ya know? In your future, and all? What is it? Anything good?" I wondered if he really thought I could see into the future, and I was tempted to say 'I see a good kick coming from me, straight to your balls' but...there were too many staff members about. Plus, I didn't want Coach to tackle me to the ground and eat my ribs as if it's an all-you-can-eat-buffet.

"No, Overalls, it's rather _depressing_..." I sighed out in mock 'woe is me', as I shot a dirty look in Coach's and Rochelle's direction. I knew Ellis was naive of what the rest of us were suffering under, and it made me feel...this need to abuse this innocence. Maybe it was a strike of envy that rose in me by the fact that I had Nurse Ratched enforcing that I take my pills like a good boy. Ellis gave a look of worry, something so genuine that I had the urge to knock the lights out of him. Why was everyone giving me this 'are-you-okay'/pity shit?

"Man, Nick, don't worry...things'll be better!" he supplied helpfully and I only frowned at him because he was an idiot. Things were _not_ going to be better. We were still here and the one month mark was coming up close. So I gave a sarcastic nod and shoved those pills down my throat, finishing them down with water.

I left them all staring at me with different expressions, eager to smoke my life away. Maybe all the nicotine and tobacco would clash with the medicine that was right now floating about in my system. Maybe I'll die of lung cancer before I'm released out of this prison.

With that, I savagely took a drag out of the cigarette, coughing into the lukewarm in-between of afternoon and evening.

* * *

I sat on the cot, irked by how it gave a soft squeal whenever I moved on it. It made me think of the damn chair in the psychologist's office... Made me think of Rochelle. I knew that slowly I was severing my tie with her. Soon we would no longer be able to look at one another and say 'that one is my friend'. No...I did not see the purpose of keeping any of them as my friends. We were no longer needing each other to survive. They were disposable...

Just like how my ex-wife was disposable... I thought she was a perfect match for me, but what a terrible mistake she turned out to be. She was the girl everyone wants to take home from the bar. The girl who looks like she won't commit to you unless you continue to keep her interested and surprise her every day. She would howl at the moon in laughter when watching old movies, knew how to hold her own in poker, smoked like an actress from the 70s, and knew how to make me see stars in bed. So what do normal people do when they feel they are right for each other? Get married...and end up in Hell. The firecracker I _thought_ I married soon turned to a typical, nagging woman.

I want to have a family. I want kids. I want you to stay home. I want you to get a real job. I want you to stop drinking. I want you to stop smoking. I want you to look at me. I want you to grow up. I want you to stop being an asshole. I want you to stop gambling. I want you to stop avoiding my parents. I want you to stop eyeing that whore like she's a piece of meat.

Nag. Nag. Nag, she went.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye, I went.

Story of love, kiddos. Moral of the story? Don't get married. Why is it that every time you get married it's suddenly family time? Why can't it be something like, 'Oh, I just got back from work, honey. Alright now, let's go have sex. Sounds good to me!' The reason you get married is the reason why dogs piss on trees: marking territory. I marked my territory and made it clear to her that no one can share the same relationship with her as she does with me. I made it clear to the world this is the woman I'm fucking and she can only be fucked by me. Somehow she felt marriage was expanding and becoming a family. Holiday dinners with the family. Phone calls from the family. Sending cheesy cards to the family. Family this, family that. Man...did it make me sick to the stomach.

So I came to the conclusion that my wife was only good for one thing: fucking. I hated to admit it, but she was still on my top ten list on women I wouldn't mind sleeping with again. Damn...when was the last time I even had sex? The thought heavily hit my being as I sat there, my body beginning to register that it's daily dosage of one-night stands and quickies in the bathroom with a waitress were heavily lacking the past two months. Preoccupied with work, traveling for work, preoccupied with Infected, traveling through the Infected, preoccupied with military, stuck in military gerbil cage... Oh man...and nothing with two legs I could ram against the wall and claim...

Shit.

A dull ache seemed to make itself known in my system as I continued to mull through my pathetic life. I hated to admit it, but my damn ex-wife was beginning to become a constant reoccurrence in my thoughts. I will always think ill of her as a person, but her body and what she was capable of shinned like a star in my mind. I missed the way I would come back to my apartment and find the brunette sitting coyly on the couch...never giving an explanation on how she always managed to break her way in... Or how if she was in the mood, she would make it known no matter where we were at. Like how she snuck her way from her parent's grip to find me before the wedding ceremony, the both of us finding a mad rhythm in a spare room as the staff searched worriedly for it's missing bride.

Goddamn was that extremely difficult...it was like looking for a needle in a haystack as I struggled to hike her extravagant dress up. Fabric over fabric over fabric... The way her body would tightly envelop mine, leaving me always breathless as she blushed. My blushing bride, who mewled and moaned at my thrusts as we destroyed every stereotypical wedding and the image a wedding should rightfully uphold. It felt so good to do this under the noses of everyone on an event so crucial and climatic that it made the scenario something I would never forget. It was something we couldn't stop chuckling over as I slipped out of her, laughing at the masses who were waiting patiently in there chairs for us to stop fucking around and get married.

Literally.

I felt my self give a ragged intake of air, realizing my hand had long ago drifted toward my crotch, fingers stroking through the clothing. I gave a quiet hiss, almost appalled at my hand who had been traitorously brushing and rubbing me to life. Really Nick? Do we really have to do this? I chided at myself and my body responded by letting that dull ache throb through my being, reminding me that my sex life after her was monotone at best. Reminding me that I haven't been laid in a good time. Reminding me that I was stuck in a military boot camp with my left hand as good company.

I was beginning to get this sensation my left hand was overstaying it's welcome. Now that did not read as a good sign for myself, as I stared rather furiously at myself. Of all the things to dwell on, did I really need to do this now? Couldn't I just go to sleep, wait for the psychologist to give into my winning charm and deal with matters then? My traitorous mind gave me images of sweat-slicked bodies and melodic vocal chords vibrating to create sound. Giving a throaty growl in response, all sound was instantly cut off by the sound of the door opening.

I held my breath, eyes burning like sickly-colored suns that did not exist in this universe, emitting it's acidic-to-the-touch heat. The door closed and there were now two in the room. A smiling Ellis greeted me, talking casually of his day and how some of the army personal were amazed by his mechanic skills.

I could care less.

I got a terrible idea.

"Hey..." I breathed out, "Lock the door, will you?" It ached to talk, my throat was busy rejecting the idea, trying to strangle me for even coming up with the dark thought. It was as if the leftover morals residing in my system rose up to scream in repulse.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I regarded the twenty-three year old with the eyes of a crazed lunatic. There was the wild, uncontrollable light jittering about with a layer of calm anticipation...aware of what was going to occur. Aware of my movement like a predator to an unsuspecting prey. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do -

_Click. _

I rose to my feet as the youth blabbered on, kicking off his shoes as he was gazing at the lone mirror in the room, running a hand through his hair. There were no sinks of a sort in this room. A cell was more accommodating than this nearly closet-sized room. My movements were slow as I reached him, body trembling as I stared in quiet restraint. "Nick?" he questioned, turning around, confused by how extremely close I was to him. Usually it was Ellis himself who intruded the personal spaces of others...but tonight....oh, but tonight it was my turn.

I gave a simple shrug, as I felt a disastrous smirk tickle my lips senseless... God, was I enjoying this already? There was something seriously fucked up with me if I was already finding this a kick in the pants. "I'm sorry," was all I could chuckle out before savagely shoving him against the mirror, the sound of it cracking reverberating through the air.

A cry of protest escaped Ellis, "Hey man! What's goin' on?!" A romantic would have silenced the youth with an engulfing kiss. Sorry to crush your nighttime fantasies and pop your bath time bubbles...but I was not aiming to be romantic. I was not aiming to be your classic, lovestruck Romeo who is so madly in love with another that to die for that one single person would not be a questionable matter. Oh god, no. How stupid do you think I am? I can care less about my partners, I just care about myself. It's about number one, kiddies. So I suggest you close your eyes, plug your ears and make up your own little scenario of what I'm going to do next.

I placed my hand over his mouth, fingers digging into his right cheek, latching themselves into his skin and making sure not a sound could leave. The response was immediate, his hands struggling against me but I was prepared. As his two hands struggled to pry my iron grip on his mouth, I let the iron grip lax. My hand was tugged off, and my free hand moved to strike him in the nose with the heel of my palm. Like a puppy being scolded, he instantly retreated from attacking me to cupping his nose, a yelp in surprise leaving him. Cracking my neck, already seeing a fist flying in my mind's eye, my body felt suddenly in-tuned to everything around me. I could hear the humming of the AC somewhere in the distance...I could hear Ellis's ragged breathing...I could hear mine that was calm but heavy. I could hear my heart beat in my ears and I could vaguely hear the voice in the back of my head encouraging me to continue.

Desperate times make a desperate man.

Hand grabbing his fist, I twisted his arm, back soon facing me as my free hand fitted perfectly against the back of his head. Slamming his skull against the mirror, now seeing visible cracks in the surface, I stared curiously at myself. I looked like a crazed animal...a dog with rabies and I pondered how low I have sunk to reach this level... I was aware of what I was doing. I was aware of how fucked up this was becoming. I was aware that I was crossing a forbidden line, and with no-less someone who has helped me survive through the Infected outbreak. I was aware of how desperate I had become for a fuck: I was fighting for it with Ellis. Of all the people in the world...Ellis just had to be my victim of the day.

But a fuck is a fuck...and humans are just humans...

"_NICK! NO MAN - COME ON -_ " Ellis exclaimed, still fighting and I didn't expect anything less from him. He was cut off by my hand once more, his arm still pinned against his back as I tightened the pressure, threatening to break it if I met more resistance. The younger male seemed to understand and opted for struggling weakly, his chest rising and falling in inconsistent rhythms as I pressed myself against him. Ellis squirmed as I breathed down hotly against his neck, inhaling the scent of engine oil, earth, and faintly I could perceive this scent of cinnamon and a hint of freshly poured black tea... I shuddered against him, suddenly questioning myself again... This was far from right...this was terribly close to wrong. I almost felt bad that it had to be him and not some complete stranger... Almost.

A muffled sound escaped Ellis, and my eyes flashed back to him as the intercoms suddenly blared to life. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound, vibrant eyes scanning the room hastily.

"_Lights out_!" a voice dictated and I listened to the lights be killed, my eyes meeting Ellis's through the cracked mirror. Seeing that face that screamed of confusion, naivety and fear made my insides boil to a beautiful height. Humanity seemed to grip me and I felt a cold shiver run down my spine, actually wondering if this was happening right now. I should be caring. I hesitated...this wasn't right...this was fucked up. Just as Miss Ratched explained to me a few days ago... Fuck it. My god, I was going to fuck the living innocence out of him and give him a little dosage of my problems. If the psychologists and doctors say I'm fucked up, then good. I'll show them fucked up. They won't even be able to comprehend me when I'm done with this. They can just end my misery out in the fields with a bullet to my head, something to ease the trauma in just living in this monotone hell hole.

I was far too okay with this...must be the pills... Ha! Thanks Doc!

And light became dark, and my free hand released Ellis's arm as it lunged for the elastic-banded uniform pants. I was expecting to feel a hand fight me, but he was still awkwardly pressed against the mirror and the wall, the pinned arm rather limp now and sore, I suppose. I cared less, I was going to finish this. Tugging the pants and the hick's boxers wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, and a thrill of confidence rang through me as I followed suit. It must have been when I pressed myself into him did realization grip Ellis even further, because he began to yell something incomprehensible through my hand as he struggled once more.

Poor, poor, idiot. Tough luck. Mommy Rochelle isn't going to burst in here saving your ass and protecting me from harassing you. Coach isn't going to kick down the doors and kick my ass. "It's useless," I found myself hissing against him, my free arm pulling him closer as I shoved myself into him. Sounds were all muffled from him as I felt his insides tighten around the intrusion, sending me snarling in response. "They won't hear you," I managed to grit through my teeth as I waited rather impatiently for the body to adjust.

Have I ever fucked a guy? Twice. It was rather interesting, something I experimented with while I was still married. It was my silent way of saying to the world, 'My wife is a fucking bitch to the point where I find my own sex more appealing'. So you can thank my ex, Ellis. You can thank her for this.

God I was almost giddy for my next session with the psychologist. I could imagine telling her all the whacko shit I got myself into. 'What did _I_ do yesterday? Smoked, went back to the room, attacked my roommate and pretty much showed him a good time. Or at least I was having a good time. Details. Who needs them?' Ha ha ha! Oh god! This was just rich!

Like a perverted beast I unwrapped my arm from his clothed torso that kept us pinned to one another, hand drifted toward the blue-eyed male's crotch to find him hard. A whimper of embarrassment - I was guessing - left him as I found this out. "Oh?" I cooed out into his ear, giving a sardonic tug at his earlobe with my teeth, "What do we have here?" I knew I was being a sick bastard...but I was a bastard to begin with and apparently I am 'sick' (doctor's diagnosis, remember?). So I was just putting the two together as my fingers wrapped around the the stiff length. Matching my hand with the rhythm of my hips, I felt his body nearly give in my hold, body leaning against the wall as I leaned against him for support as I continued.

My hand must have left his mouth not too long ago, because I found it on the wall for support as Ellis gave throaty moans at my ministrations and actions. Far from caring if anyone _could_ hear us, I finished him off before coming shortly after. It felt invigorating as I shuddered into him, panting heavily, sliding out of him with the sound of slick flesh moving accompanying our heavy breathing. Did I feel good. Felt as if I actually accomplished something worthwhile - oh damn...well that was fucking twisted. I would like to blame the depression I supposedly suffer from.

Shaking my head, I sardonically patted the youth on the behind as I didn't even bothering to clean myself off. I could take a shower first thing in the morning, right now a good shut eye was sounding nice. "Well, Overalls, you wanted to know my future...and here it is. Depressing shit," I mused, knowing I was going to feel like shit tomorrow when the impact of my actions hit my conscience tomorrow. It was going to be like a hangover but I knew I would persevere. There was something so delicious about being the asshole and here I was. There was something so complete about expressing it onto Ellis. Proving to Ellis that I was, once again, not a nice person. I just don't care about you. Oh, and guess what, I never will. It's all about me and only me. The reality of life.

Sorry Ellis.

Bad things happen to good people.

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review!_

_Notes: _

_**1)** TCA (Tricyclic antidepressants) has a side-effect called 'emotional blunting'. Emotional blunting is the lack of feeling emotions; being apathetic. My rational is that Nick had to somewhat deaden himself in the past to get through killing the Infected (who are people that suffered from the Outbreak), so in turn taking this medication with that in tow along with the dosage may encourage his already 'emotional blunting' self. _

_**2)** If you were expecting lovey-mush-gaga between them, and the whole 'love at first sight' deal...not going to happen. Doesn't sound like Nick's style..._


	3. The Portrait of a Man

**summary:** _To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease._

**pairing**: Nick x Ellis

**rating:** 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patien****t**  
**The Portrait of a Man**  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

"_Little angel go away  
Come again some other day  
The devil has my ear today  
I'll never hear a word you say  
Promised I would find a little solace  
And some peace of mind  
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so  
Desperate and ravenous,  
So weak and powerless."_

- Weak and Powerless by A Perfect Circle

* * *

_My body hunched forward, feeling my insides lurch as I took the first step up the stairs. I could feel the alcohol in my system slosh about in a lukewarm stupor, making bile cook in my esophagus. I could feel it burn the inside walls of the structure, causing my eyes to sting at the disgusting taste roaming about. I took the next step up the stairs, struggling to focus on my scuffed shoes and the painstakingly slow steps I took. I was afraid if I moved any faster my body would combust from the exertion. _

_Fingers trembled toward my pocket, trying to pull out my cellphone only to find them unable to grasp the device. It ached to bend the fingers, and I feared they were broken. Giving out a choked huff, coming out as a pathetic groan in despair, eyes stared rather wearily up the flight of stairs. Tempted to take a seat on the stairs and just sleep away till the other tenants in the complex called the landlord, the sound of the door opening made me freeze in place. It was always the sound of the door opening that made me act like an animal: completely still and ready to flee from the scene in a heartbeat. _

_Silence fell and I couldn't hear the sound of feet barely gracing the floor. Exhaling heavily, beginning to slump into my weary form and one not in alert, I was immediately shocked to turn my eyes upward once more to find a worried brunette. Eyes burned captive holds on me, telling me that there was no way I would leave her sight now. Feeling a soft burn of shame envelop my body, I commented softly, "Honey...I'm home..." _

_She moved, giving a fretful exhale of air as she rushed toward me. Cool fingers were already examining my face, noting the severely bruised cheek and blossoming black eye. "Come on," she murmured, slipping my right arm over her thin shoulders as her left arm swept in to wrap around my waist. It took a while to get back into the apartment, but I knew it would have taken me ages to do the task by myself. Usually it would be the male to bring in his counterpart back - carrying them over the threshold and the whole nine yards. Tonight I was the damsel-in-distress and I was mulling over this fact in my mouth that tasted heavily of copper. "You don't hear often of Bonnie saving Clyde's ass," came the wise-crack and I proceeded with allowing her to carry my entire weight. "Oh asshole! Do you want me to dump you here on the ground or help you to the couch?" she huffed, struggling to keep herself up as I gave a cheeky grin. _

_Promptly dropped on the ground, uttering a grunt at the sudden loss of support, I found myself sprawled on the ground. It felt good to be in the confines of the apartment, the warmth from the heater seeping into my cold bones. "Woman," I groaned, eyes lazily turning to the right to see her standing over me, "I require your assistance." She stared firmly at me with a stern face. I winked. _

"_You think you're cute, don't you?" she sighed, bending down to help me to my feet before escorting me to the leather couch. _

"_I think I'm adorable," I murmured into her ear as I plopped down onto the couch, giving a sigh in relief. My body ached in all the wrong ways. I could feel blood trickle uncomfortably down my leg, making me wonder if there was a wound somewhere on my leg. I couldn't remember...I couldn't even pinpoint where all the pain was truly coming from. "Bonnie..." I murmured, as a wet cloth was soon wiping away the dried blood off of my face, "I have a present..." _

"_If it is a punctured lung, don't expect me to jump for joy," she replied back, pausing to bend down and take off my shoes and socks. My good hand reached into my suit, rummaging through the inside to pull out a crisp, rubber-banded stack of bills. She stared blandly at me for a second, not finding anything I was doing pleasing. "Nick...you know I require more. Remember, I'm a bit too expensive for you. If you don't give me the right enough amount, my pimp is going to beat the daylights out of you," she sighed, her way of saying she could care less of the money and was displeased I risked my life for a measly amount of money. I shook my head, and continued to rummage about and pull out duplicates of the original. The wet cloth on my cheek paused, my green eyes watching her blink in awe at what laid before her. _

"_Oh Nick..." she began in a quiet whisper._

"_Clyde," I corrected with a wry grin. _

_She chuckled gently, "Oh Clyde...it's too bad you're injured. I really wanted to celebrate this moment in a very special way..." I felt like a dog that just understood the word 'meat' from it's master, my ears instantly perking up in excitement. The beautiful temptress called my girlfriend rose to her feet, off to fetch an ice pack for my black eye, "Oh well...I guess I'll just have to hire a pool boy..." _

"_We don't have a pool," I called out._

"_I know." _

_Oh that woman. Rolling my eyes to the high heavens, I carefully slipped out of my suit's jacket, feeling my shoulder blades hiss in warning. Tossing it on the ground, before I could work on unbuttoning my shirt, a pack of frozen blueberries found it's way on my eye. Squirming at the cold, I grumbled out a dark curse as I pulled it back, wrapping the pack with the wet cloth before placing it back on my eye. Slender fingers unbuttoned my shirt for me, carefully slipping it off of my frame. I could go for a smoke right now and before I could voice my need, already she held it out for me. A warm smile slowly etched itself on my features as I took it, pinning it between my lips as it was carefully lit by the brunette. _

"_Where would I be without you, Bonnie?" I chuckled as she shot me a coy look as she examined my chest for any markings. _

"_Possibly in a ditch," she mused out casually, rising up to press her lip-glossed lips against mine. _

* * *

I woke up crying, immediately arousing the infinite pool of scorn and hatred that seemed to be stirring about in my bowels. Scolding myself, I hastily wiped at my eyes, not even sure what on earth I was even crying about. For the life of me I could not recall the dream and finding myself in such a state only made me growl helplessly. Sitting up, the heels of my palms digging into my eye sockets, I slowly began to truly wake up.

I woke up realizing once again I was not home. I woke up realizing I was far from ever going home. I woke up realizing that I was still stuck in this military camp. But they claimed this was a temporary home... How long was 'temporary'?

Walls of cement, dingy cots that probably were used for the survivors from the Titanic and pathetic ceiling lights... Oh, I was home all right.

"Fuck," I hissed into the wool blanket as I sat up, feeling frustration grab at me at the fact that the idea of me _ever_ going home was slim. God, did I miss it. Inhaling the dust-free area, I pushed myself into a hunched position. Groggily taking in the room, I found that Ellis was not present and his bed was neatly made. Actually...the room was extremely tidy... Huh. Shrugging my thoughts away, not really in the mood for some Dr. Phil guilt shit to pound my head away, I proceeded with trying to comb my dark locks back.

I felt as if I was suffering through a mild hangover, but it was a pleasant one. My insides felt warm, as if they were broth, happily simmering away. My muscles were sore from me allowing them to remain forever tense through my sleep, my fingers reaching over to massage my right calf through the uniformed pants. Yet I felt completely relieved, as if I finally punched the lights out of someone who has been bugging the shit out of me. I felt that my good mood could possibly find the cure for cancer, bring upon world peace, and all the other bullshit people wish for. I felt healed.

A lazy grin found itself on my face, already making my way to grab the pack of cigarettes in my pant's pocket. If I could smoke and lie down in peace for the rest of my life, I think I would be all right with that... Not a bad way to spend the rest of your days in this gerbil cage...

"Nick...now why did you have to do that?" came Coach's voice and I felt my insides drop. My good mood suddenly turned sour, my eyes flaring to life as I saw Coach closing the door behind him. Oh shit...did that little dipshit squeal on me to Coach? I inhaled sharply and turned to fully stare at him, watching him with suspicion as I tried to ready myself for what was to come. I was waiting for Coach to reveal a pocket knife he swiped to cut me open and gut me like a fish. I was waiting for the hysteria. I was waiting for him to ask the 'Lord' to 'smite Nick and send Nick to the deepest levels of hell'. None came save for a sad nod...

I could live with that.

"...things happen...?" I replied back, quite unsure of what I was supposed to say. Things happen?! Rape happens? I wanted to find something hilarious about my words, but I failed to find the humor in it. The damn kid was a bucket of sunshine and blue skies...and I scarred him for life.

"Nick...I preferred it when you said those cruel words to that sweet boy. But roughhousing him to the point where it hurts to walk?" Coach sighed out heavily, giving me a stern look as I gave him one of surprise. Ellis was telling everyone we had...a fight? Roughhoused? I began to laugh, my laughter filling the room as I lightly slapped my knee. Oh fucking - _hahahahahaha_ - god! Roughhousing - _hahahahaha_ - with Ellis!? I wanted to just wrap my arm around the larger man's shoulders, chuckle warmly at him and explain perfectly how I did the deed. You see, Coach - buddy ol' pal - I butt-fucked the kid. Aren't I a keeper?

"If that's what you call it these days..." I murmured under my breath as I gave a simple shrug of the shoulders, calming down to a chuckle. I was getting pretty good at shrugging things away. So instead of causing more problems I heaved out a great sigh, rolled my eyes and said the words Coach yearned to hear, "I'm sorry."

"Thank you, Nick...but I want you to tell Ellis you're sorry. I'll let ya do it on your own - so no pressure. But make sure you apologize; that boy looks up to you," Coach explained, and I felt like I was the star player on the basketball team and I just knocked the lights out of the water boy who dreamed of being me. The feeling made me frown like a petulant child but I gave a stiff nod. I learned that it's better to avoid fighting with Coach.

I didn't apologize. Hell, I didn't even see the kid the entire day.

It would have been awkward for me to go looking for him...also would have been awkward in general. Good thing I didn't care. I had my own agenda and that was swindling these idiots in the recreation room for there smokes and what else they were willing to put on the line.

I felt better in general. It was as if I was going through a temporary high off of a drug, and I was basking in the beauty of it all. I was feeling damn good...and I was feeling damn cocky. I feeling...like my old self, and that only made me smirk like the devil.

Cracking my neck, I gave a curious peek at my face-down cards once more. Texas hold'em was the game and let me tell you...with our pathetic substitutes for chips along with these pathetic men, I was going to win. No, it was not just because of the sheer fact I cheated two turns ago when the dealer revealed a Queen. Nor was it because what everyone thought was a pack of cigarettes from me...wasn't a pack of cigarettes at all. It was filled with cigarette butts, as the real deal hid in comfort in my room. It was the mere fact that I was Nick...that I was number one, was I going to win. No one can beat me when it came to cards...and if they did beat me...it was because they honestly though I was cheating and decided to introduce me with there fists.

Details. Who needs them?

"Sorry, ladies," I purred out as we placed our cards down. I revealed a Queen and an Ace, winning the now massive pot of unlit cigarettes, cash - and oh, was that a condom? Don't mind if I do! "Maybe next time...you'll be able to stop yourself from losing," I grinned with a taunting wink as I raked in my winnings. Earning death glares at the others who sat there cursing at there rotten luck, I carefully grabbed my winnings and strutted off back to the room.

_Ohohohoho_, am I good or am I good? Played those morons like a scalper during the Superbowl.

Dumping my winnings on the cot, I curiously picked up the condom. Examining the sealed wrapper, I mulled over if I could use this to my advantage. Further persuade Miss. Ratched to see the light of things and take a midnight stroll with me... Women are suckers for three things in this world: diamonds (gifts in general), chocolate, and condoms. Tell them you have a condom and they'll spread their legs for you. Whoever made the device, bless your soul. Thanks for making it all the easier to chase skirts and capture them.

Mulling over how I was going to do this, my eyes drifted across the room lazily in thought. Reaching the cracked mirror, a muscle in my right arm began to spasm. It was like someone cut a crucial artery, blood gushing out at an uncontrollable rate. My mind scrambled on the rewind button, playing it so it was hours and hours just ago before giving a shuddering play. Every fuckin' crucial moment was playing through my skull, and god - it felt like it was happening again. Reminded me of my college days when it was 'cool' to experiment with drugs. It was 'cool' to take a test drive of a harmful substance and wake up the next day foaming and snarling for more. Well hate to tell you kiddies...but this was not 'cool' whatsoever.

I could feel my skin get hot, yet I knew this room was ridiculously cold. It was like being shoved in sauna without the choice of being able to leave or lower the temperature. It was like being in a movie theatre, the surround sound making it quite clear the sound of throaty moans. I could almost feel the ghost of him, making me press my legs together like a hormonal virgin.

Fuck. I should have known what comes of ill-thought plans. Fuck fuck fuck - no... No...I'll wait...he'll come back. He'll come back. Where the hell would he go? There's no where to go...just here...

So I sat down on the cot, swallowing the lump in my throat as more problems began to just eat away at me... Severe depression and a budding case of the withdrawals. Oh goody. You know, I liked it when Santa gave me coal not this emotion shit. I liked it when I could fuck someone and feel amazing, find another fuck buddy, feel even more amazing, and continue the cycle. But I know that the chances of me shagging my neighbor was slim... I knew for a fact Rochelle would never bend over to my brutal ways - I could see her squealing to the authorities and landing me six feet under... Plus there was something odd about having sex with Rochelle...reminded me too much of a mother, and let me tell you...I never found my mother attractive, why the hell would I find this mother hen attractive than?

Ha! And Coach? Oh god, I'm not low. I have standards you twits. How fuckin' dare you suggest I'll sleep with the man. Tch, not even if Coach was a girl would I go near that. The psychologist? I fancied she'd fall for me...but if I've been working my charm for nearly a month now and she still hans't cracked? Either she was a defected toy or she batted for the wrong side. Nothing is as mouth-watering as seeing two gorgeous chicks have there way with one another...but now was not the time. I was in no mood to be appreciating a fuckin' lesbian psychologist! I'm a growing boy over here! Share the love! Take some pity on ol' Nick here!

God, and Eliis was just so easy... It was like being the bully and trying to figure out who is next on your death list. Of course you don't pick on a football star or a socialite....you pick on the scrawniest, youngest, pipsqueak you can find. Ellis was my scrawny, young, pipsqueak...and I wanted to pound him into the wall once more with a growing passion. I knew the wise thing to do is go to sleep and shove all of this sudden hormonal urge aside...

It took me three hours to finally force myself into slumber's hold.

* * *

My sleep was short-lived as it always was... I would randomly wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I heard something... Nothing. Fall back to sleep... Did you hear that? ...no... Fall back to sleep. Over and over and fucking over. I just about had it and it was quite soon when my mind sunk into it's sea of irritation. My cynical way overtook me and I slept about in bitterness, now focusing on how idiotic life tended to be.

Than _he _had to finally come into the room...

"Hey, Nick. Um..." he trailed off, my eyes still closed as I laid rather comfortably on the bed with my head half-submerged into the material. I was not in the mood to listen to this idiot talk to me and cry about his life. Can't he see I'm busy ignoring the weird tension in my gut? Can't he see I'm busy trying to sleep and ignore this dreadful clean prison called reality? This place needed some more grime and criminals to make me feel more at home. "Um...uh...can we...talk?" came the meek finish of Ellis's words and I was far from impressed. I was annoyed. Again. Pissed at the fact he was not present when needed. I was in no mood to show a hint of remorse.

"Do I look like I want to grace you with a conversation, Ellis?" I murmured out into the pillow, hoping that maybe if I keep my eyes closed, the hick would leave me be. Soon, hopefully, I did not want to relieve last night's urge for a good 'wham-bam-thank-you-m'am'.

"Naw, but you look like ya might now than ya did that night." Oh, those words brought my eyes to open and stare quietly at the twenty-three year old who stared rather firmly at me. Yet I sensed something...fearful in that gaze. A look a cat would give a sleeping dog, wondering if it will rise up and snap it's jaws at him. Something told me to at least listen to him for the sake of trying to mend the gash I have created that night in the youth's life. So I gave a 'hmph' in a sign for him to proceed so I could get done with this drama dilemma and sleep. What does it take for a man to get some rest in this joint?

"Hmm..." he began, lightly scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment before sighing softly through his chapped lips, "Why...why did you do that?" I stared at him for a long moment, my sharp eyes perceiving the hick as he twitched under my gaze. He wanted to know why I fucked him that night without even asking if he consented to my actions. Hmm, now let me see how I'm going to word this one. Oh, how about this one, 'Well, Ellis, doctor said I was fucked up...and I was reminiscing of my sad-excuse of a life I realized I haven't had sex in quite a while. Me, being a man, I went, "Oh, what the hell. I'm going to pounce on whatever with two legs comes my way." And guess what...you were the lucky one! Congrats, Ellis!' Hmm, no...that sounded a bit fake... Did I need to congratulate him? Maybe for being lucky to have me being his partner in this endeavor.

"I just felt like dicking around in you, Ellis," I sighed out lazily, closing my eyes as I tried to go back to sleep once more. Just ignore the feeling, continue to sleep...dream of developing lung cancer by inhaling a shit-load of cigarettes...

"Oh...okay..."

Something in me froze and I felt my brows furrow in complete question at this response. Okay? A man who was twelve years older than you, who just promptly assaulted you in a physical and sexual manner, and went to sleep as if life was hunky-dory got an 'okay' in the end? What kind of fucked up world was I living in!? This had to be some nightmare - some drug-induced nightmare and I would wake up to find Nurse Ratched shaking her head with that knowing frown I was scum beyond scum.

I opened my eyes, and found Ellis siting cross-legged by my cot and staring apprehensively at me. With those naive, puppy-dog eyes that seemed to look at me without an ounce of hatred simmering in those milky-blue pools. Now...I'm not religious but...oh Lord have mercy. Oh fucking Lord have mercy on my soul, because I did _not_ want this. I was expecting the guards to come in rough-handling me, inject me some whacky medicine, shoot me outside when bored and call it a day. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no... Fuck! What I perceived as fear from the beginning was...shyness.

I got this vague impression I was the school's typical heartthrob and I accidentally showed compassion to the school's dunce... Now the dunce thought we were complete friends - thicker than thieves. Oh shit, what was the name of that broad that was kidnapped and developed feelings for her captors? Patty Hearst? Well fuck...

Shit. I need to smoke. Now.

Yeah I wanted to fuck the little piece of shit just because he was the only thing easy to pick on... But I was _not_ looking for some homosexual relationship. What the fuck do I look like? Yeah, a fuck is a fuck and a human is a human...but I prefer having short-lived relationships with women. It was kind of like whack-a-mole: so many to hit on, so many holes to chose from, and the fact it is an amusing game when bored. From what I can tell from Ellis from the time I've spent with him, this kid has a heart of gold and is serious when it came to love. Boo-hoo, someone get me a fucking tissue so I can wipe my eyes.

Although...a part of me was tempted to lead him on, use him when I needed a good physical exercise, toss him when not needed, crook my finger and have him back in a heartbeat... It required me to lie quite a bit, but I'm a conman baby! I lie for a living. Nothing you ever hear about me is true. Everything I'm feeding you since day one could be complete bullshit. Who said any of this right here is real? I could right now be in a safe house pondering on how to kill the Hunter outside the door. Ah, the glories of being a liar... But...I didn't want to pretend to be in a relationship...I just wanted to be let out of this hell hole so I can live life how I see fit.

Lying to the kid was just not sitting well with me. Felt as if I was punching a toddler in the face repeatedly.

"Ellis...you forget who I am," I growled as I sat up, sliding out of the cot to find my shoes. I had to leave this room, I was getting sick of feeling those innocent eyes stare curiously at me. I was getting sick of feeling like a scum and playing the kid as a fool. I was heartless...but I wasn't too into my medication/depression/shit/life/whateverthefuckishorrible/hell to be a professional sociopath yet. So I had a good method with avoiding problems: running away.

So I ran away to smoke my lungs away. Praying for lung cancer to do me in... Fuck...my temporary remedy was becoming a permanent problem.

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review!_

**NOTES:  
**

**1)** Of Dreams: Dreams/memories are going to be a key factor in expressing Nick's mental stability or course to stability. Remember the level Hard Rain in L4D2? Remember how the further you got the worse off the weather was? Too the point where it felt as if the worse off you were from the beginning, the weather was reflecting it? Well the concept applies for Nick's dreams/memories only in a strange reverse. The better, light-hearted the memories the worst off he is mentally (refusing to let go of the past, looking back on all the things he is missing out on, regretting, etc.). The more harsh the dreams or those that reflect Nick's personality at it's best the better he is doing mentally. He's getting back on track to the thought-process before (the reason why he casted off his past, and focusing on how those reasons made him who he is today). Nick tends to be a pessimist and his thought process is not focusing on the pleasantries of his past, he has more important things to complain and insult at.

**2)** Of Ellis: Ellis is a tricky one and there is not much I can truly reveal as of yet. So I'll try to do the best I can to keep you all in the loop. Ellis is the complete opposite of Nick: an optimist. Meaning when a problem comes knocking on his door, he's going to search for the light of things. So if you have an optimist in a military camp whose only friends are three completely different individuals who are suffering though there own internal problems, you are going to pretty much glue yourself to them because they are all you got. Ellis doesn't have his best friend, Keith, or anyone he can consider family save for Coach, Rochelle, and Nick. So if someone you strongly admire and cling onto for support abuses you...what do you do? Call foul play and sever ties? A smart person would and just walk away, but Ellis is unable to. He's stuck in this camp and he can't afford to cut ties with someone he relies on. While Nick, Rochelle and Coach take medication for there problems, Ellis's medication is there constant companionship and support. So what does he do? He copes with the abuse my turning it into something quite the opposite: affection. Thus, why Nick thinks Ellis possibly suffers from Stockholm syndrome of a sort. Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors that appear irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims. People have ways of coping by drinking, smoking, doing drugs...this is just his way of coping. Or so Nick assumes.


	4. The Husk of a Man

**summary:** _To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease._

**pairing**: Nick x Ellis

**rating:** 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patien****t**  
**The Husk of a Man**  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

**"**_An easier resolution medicine, medicating scientists  
concentrating on the pills you are taking**.**  
We have proof that we will never be well**.**  
You want to stand there and wait for your life, an easier solution**.**  
You're getting old and losing all your love and proving your will is gone, you're  
moving on, you're loveless now, the pain surrounds as the time runs out.  
You're loveless now, block out the sound as time runs out**."**_

The Patient by Moments of Grace

* * *

I was playing hide-and-seek. I hid from my problems and it sought me out with such persistence. I was so good at hiding from my problems, from running away and coming out unscathed and quite fine. How many men searched for me, hissing my name under their breaths in a curse and praying they'll find my pathetic ass soon? How many problems and confrontations have I avoided in my lifetime? How many lies have I sung out to make those who venture close to me leave in disgust? I was out of appendages to count on and I lost count a long time ago...but this... This was different. This was down-right bizarre and torturing. While a part of me screamed at me to run for the hills, the other part was pushing me back toward the seeker.

I didn't want to be found...I didn't want to confront the problem at hand. I just wanted things to happen my way without any moral strings attached. Funny how I'm suddenly fine with the idea of killing others but not dealing with sappy, emotional matters. I mean, Jesus fuckin' Christ! I had a twenty-three year old_ male _(Key word there. I italicized it for you twits.)who followed me like a puppy.

"You see..." I gave a knowing nod as a laughing sneer danced on my face that was aimed at myself, "That's what you get. You give them a little food - you give them more attention than usual, and they follow you." I just had too many problems to deal with right now and knowing this problem was sitting on my plate made me want to retch in a corner. I...I had no idea what the fuck to do! What the hell am I supposed to do!? For once in my life I had no idea what the hell to do...who to run to for safety, no haven in sight...no fuckin' alcohol. God...no booze for me to drown my thoughts.

I wanted to pop my brain cells like balloons with a good bottle of wine. A Dom Perignon would do just beautiful. I could almost smell the smoky aroma, the hint of pears and lemon...a sweet yet sour taste that could make the taste buds light up in such a remarkable way. "Why does my life have to be complicated?" I sighed out heavily, my body on high alert as I slinked about through the hallways. I was currently busy shaking and I wasn't sure if it was from my newfound infinite pool of frustration (and pretty much anything else that is a synonym of the word) or the fact I was running on rust. I was a man in need of so many sins to function in life...and this hell hole was ironically keeping me away from them all.

But...why the hell do _I_ have to hide? Why the fuck...am I hiding!? What the hell am I?! Do I look like I have a purity ring on and I'm giving up the lack of morals for Lent? Do I look religious to you? The only thing I'm religious about is how my hair should be combed in the morning and what brand of clothes I'm allowed to wear. So why the fuck...did I have to play nice? If I want something, I'm going to get it! Why the hell do I have to care about the feelings of others? I don't anyways, so why start now? It's not like we're back on ground zero where you have to play nice because you're stuck with them and need them to survive. Does it look like there is a zombie apocalypse occurring right inside these walls?

No.

So fuck morals. Fuck them sideways, I'm going get what I want. Now.

I moved with acute purpose, my strides powerful as I looked through each and every room. Those who were lying about blinked in shock to find a ravenous-looking man bursting in their room, sniff the air like an animal, snarl in disappointment and leave. Where the hell is he? My body reached a closed door, my hand grabbing the handle to find it immovable. Locked door, eh? My fist pounded into the door, and a firm 'fuck you' left from the other side of the door. Running a tongue over my incisor with a knowing shake of the head, I backed up a step. Sizing up the door, I cracked my neck before kicking my obstacle down.

The door swung open, the top hinges giving a terrible squeal in a sign it was far from being functional anymore. Ignoring the stream of curse words coming from the man inside the room, I walked in like a dictator into a room of political figures: confident, proud, unforgiving, and an obsession with sadism. My eyes cooly turned downward to the man who was now standing up and holding a magazine in his right hand.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? You high, son?" the man barked out at me, but I felt my lips curve into a laughing smirk.

"Where is he?" I breathed out in a mad version of control. My god I was on fire. I could feel my insides burn. I could feel the blood in my body move through my veins in a hurried frenzy, making me literally itch at the sensation. I wanted it to stop! It felt fuckin' freaky as hell! Fuck...and looking at this asshole before me made me want to just beat the shit out of him. How dare he look at me in confusion. He knew where he was! He knew where Ellis was milling about.

"Fuck you. I don't know where anyone is!" came the response.

"Wrong answer," I sighed, cocking my arm back to ram my fist into the man's face. He staggered back and my right hand reached out to grasp the collar of the uniform, tugging him back in my direction to meet another fist in the face. Hands went up to shield his face and I released the man's collar, giving a coy 'hands to the level of your eyes now? You smart little cookie' look. Tilting my head to the right, I finished the asshole by slugging him right in his exposed abdomen. Oh how the cookie crumbles.

I thought I would feel better...I did't.

I felt only more pissed off as I marched off, pushing through the crowd of spectators that watched the scene in confusion. I bit my tongue, resisting the urge of shouting profanities at - "You fuckin' ass clowns lost? Huh? I'd like to help you _out_, but I don't know which way you came _in_. " Ah...nevermind. Muttering dark words under my breath, I made a beeline toward the recreation room. Maybe Ellis would be there... God, why didn't I look there in the first place?

My pace picked up as I neared the area, finding the usual suspects lounging about. A few elderly men were fiddling with the broken jukebox in the corner, a woman was reading a magazine from 2006 and Coach and Rochelle were drinking water at a table. Coach and Rochelle - they would know. Reaching the table, giving a hasty look at Rochelle, I focused solely on Coach. I knew Coach would tell me...he had to tell me. I could hardly trust Rochelle - I didn't feel like trusting her. I knew she would tune into her motherly instincts and know I was all wrong right now.

"What's wrong, boy? Looks like you've seen a ghost!" Coach chuckled warmly, but Rochelle furrowed her brows, trying to study my face. ...like that fuckin' psychologist. My nostrils instantly flared, an obvious sign to her that she was threatening me by trying to pry into my skull. I will not have her figure me out so soon...not now, at least.

"Chasing one, actually. Do you happen to know where Ellis happens to be?" Be calm. Be rational. Put on the poker face and act like the slick-talking conman I know I am. I know I could swindle the man into giving me information, but it killed me to keep myself from glaring heated daggers at Coach. Why couldn't he fuckin' answer me now!? Did he really need to think!? The man is a fuckin' moron! Just tell me the goddamn place Ellis is at and let me stop bothering you! It's not that hard, Coach. Just utter out those magic words - dribble them out, if you want. I don't mind trying to translate the slobber into some nearly-correct form of English. Just tell me where the hell he is so I can continue with my pathetic excuse of a life.

"Hmm...I haven't seen that boy since breakfast... Don't know where he went," Coach finally replied and I felt my right eye twitch. That's...it!? I pursed my lips and tried to breathe in and out deeply because boy-o-boy I could see red. I was going to kill Coach. I was going to shove him in a grinder for a fuckin' cow and make mince meat out of him.

"Think harder, Coach," I encouraged with strain, lightly tapping my skull as my elbows rested on the table, hunched down to meet him eye-to-eye. "You should know," I accused in a pained hiss on the bridge of becoming a furious snarl.

"Now what do you want with that sweet child - " Rochelle started in a suspicious tone, causing Coach to frown deeply and nod his head in agreement. No! No! No! NO! Fucking Rochelle! I don't have time for that woman! I don't have time to watch her sway Coach to syncing with her thoughts.

"None of your business, woman," I cooed out, flashing her a dangerous look that told her to shut the fuck up if she knew what was best for her. My head turned back to Coach in an instant, "Ellis. Where is he?"

"Well I ain't sure I want to tell you now with that attitude."

HE KNOWS WHERE ELLIS IS THAN!? My heart nearly thumped out of my chest and onto the table as those words hit me. So he knew! Well I wanted to know! Share the good word, you son of a bitch! Tell Nick here where the idiot was hiding!

"Nick, honey, maybe you should cool off. You're looking sick."

"Yeah, son. Calm down. Stress is gettin' to ya. Hell, I know it's gettin' to me. Ha! Reminds me of some good ol' stories back in the day. It may not look like it now, but I was a pretty good basketball player. Ha ha, of course that's before my wife came into the picture and found my heart through my stomach! Ha ha ha!"

"Sit down, Nick. Let Coach tell us his story and we'll try to help you out," Rochelle cooed at me like a master to a puppy. And woo-hoo-hoo oh man...ha...ha... Oh...man...

I stood back to full height, my eyes flaring wildly at the both of them stuck in memory-fucking-lane. WHO THE FUCK CARES! Do I look like I care? Do you see me suddenly engrossed in their stories!? NO! Why? Because I don't fucking care. I wanted to know where Ellis was hiding. Now. Not later. Not after I 'calm down' and take a breather. I want him now. No. Erase that. I need him now. Yet these two ass clowns sat in content laughing at my misfortune...oh they knew they were torturing me even more. Ignoring my question...playing stupid. Oh...Oh, I'll give them something to capture their attentions.

My hands gripped the end of the table as I watched them before flipping it over. The water bottles went flying, the table now on it's back as it gave a reverberating and thunderous clash on the floor. I could feel all eyes on me as I panted softly, the table wasn't exactly the lightest thing in the world. "_Where the fuck is he_!?" I snarled out, cutting through the silence as I heard noises from behind me and footsteps. I cared not, my eyes were too busy pinning Coach where he sat in complete shock.

"Nick..." Rochelle began in a quiet voice laced with fear, my head snapping towards her as I heard my name, "Just...calm down. You're acting crazy."

"Crazy!?" my words came in a half-laugh and half-exclamation in awe at how stupid she can be. "Crazy!? Ha! It's not crazy until I take a shit on the floor right here, sweetheart." Before I could even proceed on further (Plan B was attempting to wrap my hands around Coach's fat neck and wringing it), something roughly hit me in the back of the head. The pain seared in bright colors across my vision as I felt myself sag onto my knees, before all the colors melded into pitch black.

* * *

_The day was a beautiful shade of blue only seen on infants when born, an unearthly shade of purity and I thanked my stars for the fair weather. New Jersey was fickle when it came to spring but today proved to be utterly perfect. Good. I couldn't bear the humiliation if anything went awry today. Not today. Tomorrow, sure. Just not today. _

_She loved the Grounds for Sculpture in Hamilton Township, bringing it up on lazy Sunday mornings when we would spend it lounging outside drinking coffee. "What a perfect day it would be to go there...God, I haven't gone since I was fourteen..." she would sigh with a smile that spoke of recalling fond memories. I took the hint, but I never found myself truly inspired to drive all the way to Hamilton Township to see a thirty-five acre park of...artwork. I rather go to the Borgata, gamble, drink and come back feeling good. But today was not the day to ponder or dwell on such a thing...I had something more important planned today than gambling. _

_I listened to her take an intake of air in an excited gasp as we drove through the main gates, her slender hand grasping my knee in excitement. "Nick!" she exclaimed ecstatically and she literally bounced in her seat, honey-brown locks flying in the air. "You listened!" she laughed happily, casting her eyes toward me as she leaned over to press her lips against the corner of my mouth, my head instinctively turning to meet her lips. "I have trained you well," she giggled against them, smiling against my lips as my lips mirrored her smile. _

"_Yes you have, master," I chuckled as she pulled back to cheerfully take me in, biting her lip like a bashful young girl who was being flattered. I could feel myself fall in love all over again with her. She was perfect...a bit too perfect for me that it nearly scared me at times. She was always there on my same level, never below and never above. She tended to me when I came in bruised, scolding me and imploring me to tone my antics down. She made terrible jokes that made me laugh at how poorly made there were, and in turn she laughed at my own. We fed off of each other and somehow I just couldn't imagine someone else to be by my side... _

_Parking the car, listening to her gush over the park and it's beauty (made me ponder if I should go up to the front desk and ask who was their gardener), I could feel her enthusiasm make the air alive. Sticking the keys in my pocket, I found her by my side as I offered my arm. She pleasantly slipped her arm through mine as we walked out of the parking lot and toward the main attractions. We were quite the handsome couple and I couldn't help but smirk proudly as others stared at us in awe. She was stunning in her cream-hued chiffon short dress that stopped at her mid-thighs, gently rippling about her with a lazy air. I - if I don't say myself - was nothing but handsome in my Maidstone, khaki-colored chino sport coat and white Bradbury twill short. We honestly looked like visiting royalty from England as we strolled with confidence rightfully-earned. _

"_Don't look now but I think everyone - "_

Eyes flared opened as I choked on water - water? Did some asshole just toss water on my face to wake me up? Jerking my head about, feeling the burn of muscles, bright green eyes found myself surrounded by military dogs. Military dogs with guns. A cold shudder ran down my spine as I eyed their assault rifles. I might be able to hold my own against one if there was a gun involved but...seven? Shit...how did I even get here?

It was then did I realize someone was talking. Blinking numbly at first, I concentrated where the voice was coming to find two individuals in the corner speaking to each other in angry whispers. They both wore lab coats. Fuck. I was really in deep shit now. Grimacing at this realization, I stared at my surroundings and found I was currently sitting on a chair in a cement room... Typical.

"Uh..." I began, something warning me I shouldn't be too snarky or rude at the moment (there are guys with guns about, you know?), "My head hurts...can I have an ice pack?" Okay...maybe that wasn't the safest or the most neutral statement I could give... But man, my head ached like hell!

"Ah. Nicholas, is it?" one of the lab coat adorning individuals asked as they moved toward me with a clipboard underneath an arm. I was unsure if this person...was a girl or a guy. The voice wasn't helping me and I wasn't sure if that was a poorly-grown rack I was staring at. My brain was stumped as I tried to squint and catch for anything that might give me a hint. The 'it' seemed unsatisfied with my statement, glancing at 'it's' clipboard for a moment before sighing heavily. "Nicholas, are you aware of the behavior you have displayed today?"

Ah. So _this_ was timeout. Where all the bad kids go. Oooo, scary! Please don't spank me, doctor! I'll be a good boy - I promise. Oh blow it out your ear! If this was them trying to scare me, it wasn't working. I've been through worse! So I did what always pissed off my mother whenever I was being...myself. I kept my mouth shut and remained unresponsive.

The 'it' didn't seem pleased with this, frowning before glancing back at the other lab coat crony. It seemed 'it' confirmed something before giving a nod at the military dogs. "Very well...clean him off and we'll get him tested." Tested!? Tested for what? For diseases? Trust me, I do not have STDs, God can't afford to ruin my body like that. Chuckling as I dwelled on that thought as I was hoisted up and escorted into another room, my humorous mood suddenly became nil.

I recognized this room. I recognized it from the first day we arrived.

My heels instantly dug into the ground as I refused to budge or continue to move forward. I could feel my insides drop in utter defeat, knowing everything I did here on after would not prevent what is to come. Eyes flickered to the right, watching my armed escort snarl as he reached for his weapon in the need to threaten me with that. I took that as my chance, feeling the grip loosen on my arm and giving me movement. In a heartbeat my elbow smacked into the man's face, feeling him release me as I turned around and punched the guard who held my other arm. I was free!

Before I could grin and dart out, a body tackled me to the ground, my head smacking with the cement. I could see stars as I hissed in pain, feeling something connect with my eye but unable to register it as my brain more-or-less trembled in my skull in a mad flurry. It made me reel in pain and it didn't help that a heavy body was pinning me to the ground. The body left after a moment and I yearned to stretch in relief, but a hand yanked me to my feet. Pressed face first against cold wall, I could feel hands hold me still as others jerked at my clothing.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

I hated this. I hated this maddening process - this cruel method of how things should be 'sterile' in this facility. Well everyone could kiss my perky ass! Fuck...I couldn't even grin at myself for that comment... That only made me realize that it was fruitless...this fighting back against the system was so damn fruitless. Where was it getting me? It was getting be bathed like a future concentration camp prisoner. Water them down with a wild torrent of water, shove them naked into a room with others, let them sit in their misery and filth, test them, dispose of them, enter next batch. What a fucking disgusting cycle this camp was using. All hail America. Yankee Fucking Doodle Dandy.

What a broken mess I am... I didn't ask to be broken, but it happened.

Something pricked my neck and I was soon aware it was a sedative as I felt my body relax and remain motionless against the wall. I suppose it helped numb the pain of being beaten by the hose of water meant to clean busy streets in a flash - the torrent that is used to remove graffiti on the wall... All I felt was pinpricks of needles on my flesh and it was such an odd sensation that I wasn't sure if it hurt or felt good.

It didn't matter anymore as I let my mind twirl into the gutter of an abyss the sedation created, leaving a temporary husk of an already husk of a man.

"_Oh Nick, isn't this fantastic? Look how beautiful it is!" she beamed as she pointed at the looming evergreen trees, but my eyes didn't follow where she was pointing. They were fixed solely on her as I played with an object residing in my left pocket. It burned to the touch, testifying that I have been toying with it and fiddling about too many times for it to retain it's cool touch. I couldn't help it...I was nervous as hell! I had zero idea how to do this, first off. Second of all, what if I screw up? What if it ends up all for naught? I wasn't sure I could live with the shame and humiliation. _

"_Yeah..." I murmured absentmindedly from behind her, dropping my chin onto her right shoulder. A slender hand immediately came up to cup my right cheek as she laughed, bubbling like sparkling champagne that it tugged a smile out of me. I could do this. I got to. "Come on," I whispered as I grabbed the hand on my cheek, drawing away from her as I dragged her with me, "Let's see what trouble we can cause." _

_Her hazel eyes rolled to the high heavens at my words as we left the rolling hills with their glittered artwork. As we ventured further and further, following hidden paths and both joking about how lost we were going to end up, I could feel my heart racing. I was almost there...just around the corner._

"_Well?" I mused, stretching my hand out to lay before her a sight so famous on postcards you give to family on long journeys. It was a replica of the bridge Monet painted, with a weeping willow hovering over a pond with brightly colored green Lilly pads. Spring made their buds open up into beautiful blossoms, and the fated bridge rested over the water. _

"_Can we...walk on the bridge?" she asked curiously in a hushed whisper, her eyes lit up like stars as she eyed the place in wonder. I gave a shrug and a smile that said 'even if we couldn't, what's stopping us?' That was good enough for her, because she began to walk toward the bridge with purposeful strides, now dragging me along. "It looks just like the picture! I can't believe it! We have to take a picture of this! Dad is going to go mad with jealousy if he saw me on this!" she chatted as we made our way there - typical her. There was no such thing as a 'long moment of silence' when she was about. God, she would be terrible at a funeral. _

_When we finally reached the bridge, I watched as she released my hand to grasp the railing of the bridge. Leaning over, she grinned at her reflection in the water. She was so fiery, so full of smiles and laughing quirks that it made me wonder how on earth such an optimistic being could be paired with the Prince of Cynicism. It just...didn't make sense. Yes, opposites attract but we were not completely opposite. We held common interests it was just our personalities that rang so odd from a far yet put together you got a beautiful symphony of notes. _

"_Sweetheart..." I murmured into her ear, wrapping my arms around her as she gave a hum in content, "You know I love you, right?" _

"_Yes, and I love you. This is just so perfect... I love doing this, Nick."_

"_Than...let's do it all the time," I grinned as I backed away from her, my hand grabbing her right hand. Well...here it goes. "I propose...we gloat it to the world. But...we need something to show the public we have bragging rights," I mused out wryly, as she gave me a coy look of suspicion, "So would you do me the honor of being my wife?" And there I was, on one knee, holding up the treasure that once resided in my pocket and slipping it onto her finger. Before I could even finish the job, a toned body tackled me to the floor. Lips forever sealed my mouth from yelping in surprise as slender arms wrapped around my neck._

_I think she just said 'yes'. _

My lungs expanded, sucking in oxygen as my eyes flashed open. My eyes found white ceilings, a curtained window and sunlight that faintly slipped through the cracks. I was too exhausted to register or guess the time from the sun, far more interested in where I was at at the moment. I was not in my room, that was for certain. The ceiling was also of cement and this up here was painted cement. Slowly sitting up, my body ached as I gradually stretched my limbs. It was when I stretched my left arm did I see the taped cotton ball over the inside of the elbow. I stared quietly at it, carefully peeling it off to find a spot of dried blood on the cotton ball.

So this was not fairly recent...

Slowly slipping off of the cot that I was on, my feet touched the cold ground, making me hiss as I looked about for my shoes. They weren't in sight and I was forced to bear with the icy tiled floor as I peeked about. The room was odd, each individual cot was separated by what looked like into a row of cubicles you would find in an office. This looked more like a business than an infirmary (if I was even in one). Glancing about, I twitched with apprehension as I searched for anybody about. No one... No one was in the cubicles... Okay, well that's fucking freaky.

"Hello?" I called out, my eyes spotting a secretary camera in the corner. Well, well, well. Time to have some screen time. Lightly combing a hand through my hair, I gave a suave smile as I stared directly at the camera, "It's nice that you can play God and so forth...but I got to piss like a race horse. So you show me where the little boy's room is or I'm marking my territory on each and every bed. Capishe?"

The sound of a door being unlocked and opened instantly filled the air, and I smugly followed the noise to see an irked lab techie. I really did have to piss like a race horse...it just irked me I needed to be escorted the entire way. When I say 'entire way', I mean the 'entire way'. This pervert was with me when I took the longest piss in the world (I was setting a personal best). When I questioned why, the answer hit me savagely in the jaw.

"You are unstable. We need to have someone watching you at all times at the moment."

My mood began to fall into one that was on the brink of becoming dull and on the brink of becoming downright worried. Why the fuck was I now labeled unstable!? So what if I roughhoused with a dumbass and flipped a table over. Who doesn't? Dwelling on this, I found myself shoved back into the familiar office of my ever so 'wonderful' psychologist. The only difference was that there were military dogs about the room forming a tight perimeter, all eyes trained on me. Well wasn't this a warm welcome... No hugs? Damn.

"Nicholas...I am going to cut to the chase. I know you're sick of being dragged around, so I'm going to tell you exactly what is happening," she began with cold authority that made me know immediately the news was not good in the least bit. I was probably going to become target practice tomorrow and all the boys crowded about to look at there future target. Well whoopee! Story of my life. "Nick...you have shown violent behavior that we have first thought to be a form of severe depression - and I hope, for your sake, that is still the case." Well okay, now that was weird. She hoped I was still internally fucked up? Thanks Doc. "Your behavior is irrational, unstable, spontaneous, aggressive and easily prone to act violently. Now...we are aware you have been in contact with the Infected..."

Oh fuck. I knew exactly where she was getting at. "Woah, woah. No. I'm not...I'm not like them. Do you see me looking like the walking dead and vomiting everywhere I go?" I hurriedly intervened, feeling myself panic as I watched the armed dogs tighten there grip on their weapons. They were here for me...waiting for me to show a sign I was dangerous. Fuck! I couldn't calm down though! These bastards were accusing me of being...of being something I know for sure I am not.

"Calm down. I am not finished."

I sat down immediately, rigid and alert in my seat as I stared with all the focus I could muster. "You show behavior traits the Infected are prone to expressing...and we are all aware that you have been in contact with the Infected. In contact, it says here you have been attacked by possibly every type of the Infected. Yet here you are before us all..."

"I don't look like them," I cut in quietly and she gave a simple shrug of the shoulders. Well FUCK! Don't shrug your dainty little shoulders at me when my life is literally on the line! You don't treat this like this is nothing but unimportant. This is fucking NEWS! This is colossal news!

"True. The Outbreak twisted the bodily image of humans to properly sync with the virus... However, viruses are prone to adaptation to accompany their environment. A simple show of evolution..." she mused out cooly and I sank into my chair, not quite sure if she was saying I was one of the Infected or if I needed to calm down unless I wanted to be treated like I was one of the Infected. So I sat there in downright horror as I licked my lips nervously, not enjoying a single minute in this hell hole.

"Although...you are lucky, Nick." Lucky? HOW!? HOW THE HELL WAS I LUCKY!? I get to keep my wonderful and handsome looks as I walk about like the other fucking zombies!? Well great! Let me just pick up my suit at the dry cleaners and I'm good to go! Send me out into the wild and let me be free! "We performed a blood test on you...of course we had to wait for the sedative given to you to clear out of your system... We found an extremely low level of the medication we have been assigning you... It seems you are not taking your pills?" she examined her notes on her clipboard and I internally gave a large sigh in relief. I had been playing the rebel and slipping the pills underneath my tongue, carefully spitting them out when I reached outdoors. There was a pile of pills somewhere outside where I usually smoked. I was just sick of not feeling things I should be feeling... I was sick of following the rules and being treated like shit.

"So it seems this could be just a case of your body reacting to the absence of the constant dosage... A physical and emotional withdrawal possibly from other matters... Although expect the dosage to be raised," she warned, cold eyes meeting mine that were singing in sweet relief. My god, I was saved. I wanted to scream in relief and kiss the living daylights out of her, but I had a hunch that my result in me lying dead somewhere in a gutter. Although...in the back of my head it did make me wonder. We were all in contact with the Infected and hell...I've been chomped on and vomited on enough zombies to last me two lifetimes. So why was I not morphing into a Hunter or a Smoker? Or becoming one of the common Infected? Why was it that we were all hunky-dory. Were we immune? Why us than? Why was it such a great coincidence that all of us were immune than? That was a bit _too_ good to be true, and I my pessimistic side began to work into overdrive.

What if...what if they knew we were all infected - carriers of a sort. What were they doing keeping us alive? Testing us like lab rights? Seeing if they can gather a cure from our blood? See what happens if you keep us locked up long enough? Military was usually the type to shoot you in the head and ask questions later, and I got a dark feeling they were forced to bide there time...

The thought made my good mood fade into something rather dull, my expression falling into a frown. All the bitterness continued to become magnified as I sank back into the husk of a man...

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review! _

Notes:

1) I personally think Nick's ex-wife is just uber adorable. She's just all cute, bubbly and fun. Ha ha, I'm writing the dream sequence and I'm going, "Dumbass! What's wrong with you, Nick? She's so goddamn perfect for you!" So I suppose I accomplished my job with myself, haha! The better the dreams, the more he realizes that he tossed away a good thing, the worse off he is mentally and stability-wise.

2) I always wondered how the four of them didn't become infected after being mauled on, vomited on, bled on, etc, etc by the Infected. So I vaguely brought it up in this chapter, it may or may not hold some key purpose. Will I tell? Never! ha ha ha!

3) Thank you so much for all the reviews! I totally love them all! Made me want to write this chapter! I was just in a super good mood! Thank you so much! More reviews please? I love them so much! I want to hear your feedback whether it's positive, negative, or a poorly-made joke! I love them all! :)


	5. Baptized by Fire

**summary:** _To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease._

**pairing**: Nick x Ellis

**rating:** 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patien****t**  
**Baptized by Fire**  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

**"**_Don't get lost in heaven  
They got locks on the gate  
Don't go over the edge  
You'll make a big mistake**."**_

Don't Get Lost in Heaven by Gorillaz

* * *

It was a week before I was released out of extensive supervision and care, and I felt extremely stripped of my character and persona. I felt as if everything that made me who I am was ripped out of me, shredded, and burned right before my eyes. The higher the dose, the less raw emotions I tended to feel. While I am cynical, sarcastic, and aggressive to begin with, the drugs seemed to place an interesting barrier between me. I knew quite well these weren't 'happy pills' to make me shit out rainbows and sneeze out sparkles. I understood that much...I just questioned why the more I took it...the more dull I felt. I was no longer erratic and instead I got this growing impression I was becoming a vegetable.

Was that the entire point? To make me a vegetable? I wasn't quite sure and I was too tired to harass the authority. I was not eager to play the role as 'bait' for the trigger-happy hotheads patrolling the area. It just bothered me that I knew I should feel a certain way, yet I was incapable of expressing it. It was like having the perfect poker face the entire time and unable to break out of it. It was...a frightening ordeal. But this was the medical world at it's best, right? It's trying to ease me out of my depressed stupor, correct? So than this was...alright?

It didn't feel right. I felt like a sedated sheepdog that was told it could never snarl and harass the sheep. All I could do was lie down, do nothing and wait for the time to come when I could go back to what I always did. To lie down and do nothing wasn't my calling and my insides itched and itched in anticipation for something alive...but my outsides sulked and remained immobile. I bet if I got attacked by an Infected and was torn apart, I wouldn't feel any physical pain with this numb shit going on.

To have teeth and hands tear me limb from limb. The thought usually made me shudder back in the safe houses, counting my blessings that I escaped being mauled to death by a Hunter. To live another day knowing each and every body part was still intact and not currently being gnawed at by a common Infected like it's a chicken leg.

It was so gruesome, I didn't even bother to flinch. I rather took it like a child who is given a fact. A fact is a fact, there is no emotion behind it. Seeing I could treat such a terrible thing without a hint of emotion made my heart race. What the fuck was wrong with me?! You see...this is why I hate those damn pills. I understand what the fuck they're trying to accomplish, but this...this was just not right. This wasn't normal. I just wanted to go home...I could deal with my problems there in comfort and with swiftness.

Being back in this room by myself was not doing me wonders or helping the 'healing process'. I just saw it more and more as a prison. I hated it...hated spending my days in this hell hole, and I could feel the entire area crush my insides together, making me almost nauseas.

I lunged out of my room, my body making a beeline toward the communal bathrooms. Something was wrong with me. I couldn't be in that room. God, I can't be in this place. I could feel the walls slowly close in on me each and every day. I could feel tension slowly accumulating, being wrapped about to form a ball of strung up anxiety and frustration - a ball of yarn, if you must. Each day...each day I could feel that ball of yarn tested - tossed about, and each day I could feel my patience become nonexistent. Did I ever have patience? I believe once upon a time I did, but now I could feel my refined ways and snarky demeanor begin to disintegrate. I was slowly no longer becoming me but this sad shell that once was me... Knowing that made me want to scream. I wanted to scream until my throat bled.

Why the fuck was I becoming so numb?! My mind told me to fall on my knees and sob to the heavens. But this was the medicine slowly healing me, right? My body numbly walked on, not really feeling like it should be human today. Son of a fucking bitch. This was not good. Not good at all. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Come on! Me? Of all people! Me?

Shaking my head, my feet led me to the bathroom. It was silent but I could care less if anyone was present at this ungodly hour. Stripping as I made my way to the showers, I allowed my clothes to be my breadcrumb trail toward the area. I needed to wake up. I needed to wake up from this fucked up dream. I rather deal with zombies and beat my brains out on the fact I was killing humans than deal with this emotional vacancy I was going through. It just...it just wasn't right. I loved feeling...I loved being pissed off. I loved being smug. I loved being a cynic and worrying over things to find out I was right all along. Instead I was bland - a blank sheet of paper. I was a watered down drink no one wanted to even touch.

Turning on the shower, I relished at how quickly it got hot. I was going to burn my skin off. It was pure logic. If I burned off the shell, I would soon be me... Pure...irrational...stupid...logic. Pressing my head against the tiled wall of the shower, I allowed the rain of fire beat upon my back. At least my skin could feel... I could feel each droplet burn craters into my nerves, struggling to fry them but failed miserably. At least I could feel pain - the irony of it all.

The problem with showers...is that it is always the place where you reflect, just like before you actually fall asleep on your bed. You reflect...dwell on what happened before, what happened now, and what will happen... I already knew I was going to sink into my thoughts and I strongly fought against it. I wanted my mind to be blank. I wanted to be an invalid for just a second...although wasn't I already an invalid? Things occurred around me and I remained a vegetable to it all. I was trapped inside my own body and I began to have a greater appreciation to those people called 'invalids'. My god they were so alive - I know I'm alive! Just...things aren't connecting with the right breaker...something is keeping me from expressing them properly. I was becoming fucking socially retarded, that's what.

I sighed heavily. I hated this. I hated feeling helpless...I hated this place. I wasn't sure how everyone else went through each day acting all peachy-keen-like while I was just bubbling with problems. I just wanted to go home. I was so tired... I was so sick of this place. I want out and no one was giving me the option to leave this game, and I knew I was too much of a prideful coward to pull the plug.

My insides tightened, making it difficult for me to breath as I slumped onto my knees. Just standing made me tired. I ached for so many things and I found that I have been ungrateful for all the things given to me in the past. So ungrateful... I could feel her now. I could still feel her hot touch on my cold skin, arms wrapping around me from behind as she murmured my name gently into my ear in a pleasant coo. I was such an idiot. Why the fuck did I leave her!? Why couldn't I just grow up and realize that I needed her? Of course it was too late...my god it was six years too late... She probably was living the perfect life with another man who got to enjoy her quirks, the way she smiled, her distinct laughter, those shinning eyes...that gorgeous body... I thought I was over her... I swore to God I was. But being in this Hell made me yearn for her. She was the only one who knew me - hell, not even my family was as knowledgeable or close to me as her.

I fucked up...and I was left with the memory of her murmuring sweet nothings into my ear. She was the only one in my life who could claim was close to me... No one else could... Not Rochelle...not Coach...not Ellis... I sighed heavily, the sound come out choked and pathetic, but I cared not. The memory of my ex continued to make my cold blood become as warm as the water still pounding down on me. Slowly rising to my feet, I felt my muscles ache at being adjusted as I turned to face that memory...

I felt so kicked. This entire stay at the military camp with the addition of the hell I went through to get here took a toll so heavily on me. The only relief I ever seemed to get was this... Was my mind twisting itself deeper into my problems, something I felt I was doing to myself.

I think I enjoyed being broken.

Fuck. What a terrible thought.

With my eyes still closed as the water continued to run, I embraced the memory...to find that she had substance. Well...that was odd. Eyes opened, and I stared down at the strong body pressing against me. Drawing back as if stung, I stared in complete shock. There before me with a pensive expression on the brink of question was Ellis. My body instantly became tense, a skin memory being evoked that made me tremble.

No. No. No. No. No. This was wrong. This was fucking wrong. Not him. Please, not him.

I opened my mouth to form words, but none came out. I closed it, trying to frown despite the fact my body groaned for another go. It continued to betray me and I was helpless - as fucking usual - to it's taunts. It was as if the devil on my left shoulder was working overtime while the angel on my right was too busy taking a coffee break. "W-What," I hastily cleared my throat, "Do you want with me?"

Why was it that no matter how many pills they shoved down my throat, whenever the male was in my presence or on my mind...the spell of the drugs broke off?

Ellis bashfully ducked his head, lightly scratching the side of his head, causing my insides to squirm. Internally I sneered at him like a wild animal, the urge to pound his head into the tile floor creeping in. It was just fuckin' unfair! The hick gave a shy smile, his lips moving, and my lower jaw began to tremble as I could feel myself salivate. I could already imagine myself deep into him as every breath he exhaled and took had my name on it. This was bad. My body screamed for the touch, for the feel of a fuck, it had no pleasant words to give me about my sudden chaste ways. 'A fuck is a fuck,' it would scold at me, and I found no error in it's thinking.

Fuck. I could not remember a time when I was ever alone. There was always a girl on my arm and this lack of a companion made my body antsy. "I just wanna be here for ya..." Ellis's words finally registered in my ears and my body yipped like a fucking excited dog that was told it was going to play with the neighbor's dog. No fucking no. I...I can't. I...it's Ellis! For god's sake! Why am I going to repeat the crime AGAIN!?

"Ellis...if you know what's good for you, I advise you get the fuck away from me," I warned him sternly, tapping into the age difference by assuming the parental role. The kid liked me for the wrong reason. Stockholm Syndrome, alright. If he knew what was good for him, he would have squealed on the military officials and I would be zombie bait in a heartbeat.

"No."

...no? NO!? Can't the bloody idiot realize that he should leave me to my own problems and misery? This is no time to go Mother Teresa on me. "No?" I whispered back, feeling that frustration rise back up. Why the fuck can't people leave me alone!? ...but didn't I want company? I couldn't make up my mind. I wanted to sink into my own problems and moan and groan about how shitty life can be...yet at the same time I yearned for company. "No?! Ha! You fail to realize, my barnyard friend, that I'm the last person in the world you want to deal with." I smirked, relishing in how disgusting I truly was. God, there were moments when it felt good to be scum...and man, did I feel like tonight it was my time to preach out how gross I am. I'm a regular bucket of shit, ladies and gentleman. Come take a whiff, if your dainty noses can take it. "I pity you... Maybe if you were stuck with some loud-mouth, tattooed, biker stereotype you might be in a safer place... You fail to realize you are a doormat to me," I chuckled, running a hand through my wet locks that have fallen out of place.

I'm the fucking devil incarnate, baby. I'll burn your children, look up the skirts of nuns, rob you blind (hell, I'll rob the blind while I'm at it), sell your grandmother for pocket change and laugh the entire time. This little preschooler was stupid if he didn't realize I was bad news from the beginning. Well..than again...hicks are somewhat on the mentally unique side of things...

"Man Nick..." Ellis sighed, crossing his arms and matching my posture, making me narrow my eyes in suspicion, "You always talk some intense bullshit."

Oh. Intense bullshit... You're telling a now short-tempered, fucked up, twisted man on some whacked out drugs that he spouts out bullshit!? My nostrils instantly flared as I snarled darkly in a cruel warning, now towering over the youth who did possibly the most outrageous thing anyone has ever done to break me out of my violent ways.

The moron kissed the beast.

From a far I could hear a chorus of angels singing hymns in praise as my body happily relished in the touch. Such a simple action and my body was already twitching into action, my hands instantly grabbing the youth's face. It was like breathing in my drug, knowing that soon I would be lost in it's blissful ways. To know my terrible case of withdrawals would subside. My body basked in the touch, while my mind howled and snarled in dissatisfaction. This was Ellis for god's sake.

"You don't know what you're getting into, Ellis," I growled against his mouth, brows furrowed as I stared darkly at him. My lips continued to move against his, as if so much would be accomplished if I devoured him whole. Despite the fact something screamed at me to stop, I couldn't help it. There was something of a bittersweet relief to kiss another and blissfully shove away all the taboos. Ellis, however, didn't know what he was getting into. I was not your typical tough guy who was secretly a softy inside. I am an asshole. I am cynical. I am a cheater. I am a liar. I am a thief. Oh, and now for the cherry on top, I am a nutjob who is apparently going to wake up on day and slit his wrists. Jesus fuckin' Christ...am I really going to wake up one day and wish myself dead...?

There was that one time I wished for the soldiers to shoot my head...or die of lung cancer...

I shook away the voice in my head that reprimanded me, reminding me I was broken. God...I'm broken. What on earth did Ellis want with broken goods?

A hand snaked toward my crotch, fingers running delicately as if handling an item too rare and priceless to even breathe on. Feeling the nimble touch made me snarl savagely, startling the younger male who stared in a mixture of fear of doing wrong and unbridled curiosity to continue. Fuckin' kids. Goddamn young people. My half-lidded eyes flared brightly, opening fully to take him in a gaze meant for a sneer. "Don't play museum with me," I hissed at him, "If you touch it, you better finish it." I got this impression I was ordering the perfect example of a Catholic schoolboy to give me a handjob in a church. The image made me nearly break into my terrible, dark-humored mood but I was hungry... I was sick of being patient. I wanted this to occur now but Overalls was busy playing the idiot who decided he had all the time in the world.

Well. When I want something, I fuckin' get it. I wanted Ellis to continue what he started, and he was too busy blushing - oh my, _was_ that a blush? Well isn't that fucking-dandy-ass-cute. Who gives a flying fuck. I want this now. Not later. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not in a fuckin' minute. I wanted it NOW.

"Ellis, if you don't - ah," I began menacingly to only hear myself intake a small dosage of air when surprisingly hot fingers snuck through to grasp my still flaccid member. The intensity burned than the shower of fire coming out from above, and my body instinctively recoiled and lunged forward at the same time. It was like driving a car and having the ability to stop at the yellow light or gun it. I was gunning it and shoving my foot on the brake at the same time, causing my body to stall as I sucked in the air. My lungs hurt at the overdose of oxygen, causing me to get heady as those fingers danced across sensitive skin. Those extremely aware nerve endings jolted out there electric message to my brain, and the brain jolted out it's own messages back. My body was a post office of messages of the same subject and the massive flood of information made all rational thinking (was I even rational to begin with? Perhaps it was all irrational thinking...) come to a heady halt.

My hands remained cupping the youth's face as a soft groan left my lips at the ministrations. They were so agonizingly slow that I thought I was going to rupture, yet I wanted this to be a gradual process. I enjoyed the way I was treated like an artwork and relished in every single way, and sometimes I felt like I thought like a fuckin' woman. The thought made me purse my lips in a single sign of disappointment and the shorter male must have seen it because his hand left in a hurried instant. I was ready to voice my protest but the heat of his hand was replaced by the feel of hips rubbing anxiously against mind. It was the needy flicks of a feline's body that begged for attention and to be stroked, and my body eagerly responded pressing a hand on the small of his back, pressuring him to remain closer.

I wasn't sure what game he was playing at in general, but my mind clicked into something I knew so well...

Like that the spell was completely broken. It was the oddest of sensations - it was as if someone lifted the blindfold off of my eyes and I could finally see the world before me. Mentally and physically my body became in-sync and I could feel the Nick I knew best and well come back. Eyes of the usual evergreen hue shined with such a pale hue, looking more like a young leaf with the sun boosting it's hue. Pupils dilated, taking in the young male before me that blushed a fierce pink with locks of wet brown hair clinging onto his head. I stared curiously at him, eyes raking over his frame to find my partner in this endeavor perfectly fit and aesthetically pleasing. There were no flaws on the body, and the tattoo on his arm only made the right side of my lips quirk into the beginnings of a smirk for some odd reason.

I knew I was far from healed and as I stated before...you need to finish what you start.

"Ellis," I murmured and yet over the background of sounds, he heard me perfectly. Incandescent orbs of blue stared up at me and I felt a cruel shiver run down my spine. I could feel someone walking over my grave as I stared down at those eyes. Such a bright light of life and it made me think of her...and I hated that I had to always bring her up. Why? Was it necessary? Was this another idiotic coping technique? What on earth was my mind and body trying to tell me than? What the fuck are you trying to tell me here? To treat him like I would treat her in this situation? Was that it? Was that even fucking smart for me?

Fine. I'll try it your way than. And I waited for that blindfold to fall over my eyes again, yet it didn't come. I still saw Ellis and I still saw reality.

"Ready?" I asked quietly, bodies still now as he gave a quiet nod. I never asked the consent of others except for her, and if the world wanted me to treat him like I treat her for this one moment... For this one moment in time...than so be it. If it would fix me than so be it.

My body readjusted him as I felt arms wrap around my neck as lips found mine as I worked, pinning him to the tiled wall. I felt no rush - but rather this warm sensation of excitement. The feeling that the new episode of your favorite show was coming on and you were primping and prompting yourself for the entire moment. I felt that way, awaiting what was to unfold next as my fingers slipped downward to stretch the youth. Resistance instantly awaited when I added another digit, my lips moving toward an exposed ear to coo out in encouragement. While tension was forever wound up inside of me, tension was obvious on the youth's body. Muscles were unsure of how to relax and it took me a while to finally loosen the taut strings. Lips sloppily left their gratitude on my neck as I slipped my fingers out, continuing to whisper out sweet-nothings that had absolutely nothing to do with Ellis.

All for her, though. They were all for her...

Slipping in wasn't as difficult as I expected but when I fully pushed myself inside, walls of muscle tightened to break me out of my serene stupor. My body snarled in awakening, giving a sporadic thrust in pleasure and pain. Hands clung onto me, nonexistent nails digging into my bare skin as a throaty growl rumbled in my chest. Forcing myself to wait for the adjustment, eager to turn this into a quickie, my body trembled violently against the whimpering and mewling youth. It was through biting my tongue and resisting the wild need to turn the mewling into moans of wanton pleasure.

He finally lessened the pressure and I glided into a pace, hands almost forever melded to his hips as he began to become in sync with my movements. When I made a move, he responded, and an odd sense of harmony occurred with our bodies. The way her body would harmonize with my own...

Oh fucking god I missed her.

Why the fuck did I have to push her away!?

Why couldn't I just come to terms that family happens when you get married?

Why couldn't I just realize that life would become a complete sham without her?

Why the hell did I do it!?

Why the hell didn't anyone tell me I was a goddamn fool?

Why the hell didn't I die out there in the heat of the South thanks to the Infected?

Why is it I'm still alive and breathing?

Oh god...what if she was dead?

What if I shot her?

I wouldn't know.

Why did I have to leave her...why couldn't I realize I had a good thing?

I was crying before I even registered I was crying, my thrusts becoming sloppy as my grip began to lessen. Ellis had to compensate for the lack of trying and I was grateful as I sobbed against a strong shoulder. Now I was the one clinging on and I choked on my own tears and the water from the shower - now lukewarm. Life just seemed to suddenly slap me in the face by having my past come and do the dirty deed. I wasn't sure when I came - or if any of us even did - but I was quite aware of the time as the temperature of the water gradually changed into cold ice. Yet Ellis forever remained warm, his forehead pressed against mine as we inhaled each other's breaths as if that was the only way we could survive. Such heat left him and it felt as if I was baptized by fire.

I was sick and tired, and I was now sick and tired of being sick and tired. God...what a fucked up world I was living in...

It was after I lost my voice and shed the last of my tears did I finally breathe on my own. It felt glorious in the only way a 'government camp sterile oxygen' could provide to my lungs. Eyes wearily opened to find a blue pair staring in concern. I was grateful...in the way I was when I was down and he would help me up, patching me up the best he could. I would never open my mouth to thank him without being sarcastic because nothing was as embarrassing as being helped out by the guy you constantly pick on and harass. It felt the same way and like hell was I going to say 'thanks'.

We were surrounded by monsters that were physically and internally around us, and yet we always made sure to never leave someone behind. It felt good that someone was willing to persevere and endure the asshole that I am (despite the fact I still think I fucked him up in the head). Did I see him in a romantic light? No. But I saw him as a remedy. While the doctors will shove pills down my throat in thinking they'll heal me, I'll have my own private medicine to truly do the deed. He was an odd form of reality shoving aside the negative effects of a medical fantasy.

"Thanks...Overalls," I breathed out. Oh what the fuck. Didn't I just say I _wasn't_ going to say 'thank you'. Jesus fucking Christ! Good job with that will of iron.

Overalls gave that sneaky little smirk of his he got whenever he shot a zombie in the head or found something worthwhile. That sneaky little look that really reminded me of a weasel. So what on earth did this weasel have brewing in that head of his? I gave a look of suspicion, getting this odd feeling that I was about to be the butt of some joke or something terrible was going to occur to my devilishly handsome face.

"Thank _you_, actually," came the drawled out response as he eased himself out of me, allowing cold water to run down his body before leaving me to my thoughts. I got this odd feeling...I just got conned and for the life of me I wasn't quite sure if I was pissed, amused, or downright confused as fuck. I decided all three.

There are some remedies worst than the disease, and I'm afraid it's name is Ellis.

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review!_

_A/N: No, no~ I'm not quite done yet... Still got a few chapters left. Let's not forget about ol' Ellis now. :) _


	6. Jack & Jill

**summary:** _To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease._

**pairing**: Nick x Ellis

**rating:** 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patien****t**  
**Jack & Jill Got Sick of Each Other**  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

"_Baby we were like flowers to water - no, better yet, coke to a snorter,  
We were like Martin and Gina, never let nothing come between us,  
See baby were like a dream, dream of a land far away,  
Had to go and throw it all away; I hope it was worth it...  
Never thought it'd be a day that I don't love you anymore,  
Baby, its a shame to see being without you ain't a thing to me,  
Never thought it'd come a day that I don't love you anymore..."_

I Don't Love You Anymore by Trey Songz

* * *

_A sigh left my lips as I wearily leaned against the car, eyes staring in great effort at the stairs that led to the floor of my apartment. Oh, forgive me, 'our' apartment. When I first got the apartment I barely spent more than five hours inside before running off. I enjoyed spending my nights elsewhere in a hotel with a sassy blonde or an exotic red-head. Than that ceased to be when I met her, I found more reason to stay home... And now I was back to square one: wishing I could be in a hotel with a sassy blonde... Why is it every time you are single you see couples, and every time you are taken you see singles? It had to be the work of the devil because it was driving me nuts. _

_Being pinned down sounded good the first two years and times were amazing...than the third year came along and I could feel our fantasy begin to crumble. Someone tossed gray paint on the canvas and what was once bright was now dismal. This was not what I signed up for. Not at all. _

_Scratching the back of my neck, I didn't even bother to mask my displeasure as I trudged up the stairs. Purposely fumbling with the keys when I reached the door, I found my oh so sweet wife sitting with a dark look on her face. I made a huge show of closing the door behind me, exhaling heavily through my nostrils, "Honey, I'm home." _

"_Where the hell did you go!? Huh? Two days now...two days. Not a phone call from you - nothing. Wouldn't pick up - thought you were dead!" she began her unnecessary babble as I slipped out of my blazer, draping it over my arm as I made my way to the bedroom to hang it up. Nag nag nag. I really needed to invest in some earplugs...or possibly duct tape... A chuckle escaped me, but it seemed that wasn't the proper time to be humorous. "You think it's funny, don't you? So what did you do now? Steal a man's money? Get drunk and sleep in the gutter? Typical Greek," she spat. Ah...the ethnicity spat was once again in play and I did what I did best to my dear mother when she was nagging or harassing me. I kept my mouth shut and moved about as if I was the only one available in this world. But...I was Nick...I always had something to say, and I could feel my pursed lips relaxing._

"_That's a stereotype, darling," I lectured as I opened the closet, searching for a bare hanger. "Anyhow...I didn't sleep in the gutter, I slept on a nice bed - with company of course." A wry grin danced on my lips as I turned around, giving a fleeting and sardonic kiss on her cheek as I made my way to the kitchen. I was starving and also in need of a good cup of coffee if I was going to put up with the drama that seemed to constantly reoccur. Once had a good argument/spat/fight/disagreement on who should take out the trash. Lasted a good hour and somehow I lost on that one. Well damn. _

_I gave a mirthless chuckle at how stupid these fights were. It was as if we waited for something to nitpick. As if we were so goddamn bored with our lives we needed to fight to make it interesting. How pathetic. _

"_WHAT!?"_

_Ah, and the siren shrieked. _

"_Oh yeah, sweetie," I mused, my thoughts focusing if there was any coffee beans left. Let's see...no, don't like that kind... Ah...was that hazelnut over there? "She was something else; got my name right the first time too. I think you might have some competition," I smirked as I filled the pot with water, flicking the coffee maker to life. She leaned against the sink, those hazel eyes burning holes into my being. I took her death glare with ease as I lazily tilted my head to the right, begging her to start a fight with me. _

"_You son-of-a-bitch. If you love sleeping with whores than why the hell did you even marry me?" she bit back, causing my smirk to slowly fade into a frown. I honestly could not remember why I married her and that bugged me immensely. You would think you would have a reason... Huh. _

"_One of life's many mysteries. Maybe I just like seeing your face when I come back drunk and satisfied - "_

_The slap cut my words off, my face morphing into one of disappointment - my perfected 'I am not in the mood/don't piss me off' face. "I want a family, Nick. I want to __**not**__ live here. Camden, New Jersey is a hell hole." I personally loved Camden, New Jersey. It was so fuckin' gross...it was beautiful. I'm not sure how to describe it but there is a moment where you'll walk down the street, breathe in the polluted air and fall in love. Oh right...back to the wife nagging._

"_I want to raise children. Send them to school. Make them lunch... Why is it so hard for you to understand that? That's the whole goddamn point of getting married: to start a family," she hissed out at me as I stared her down, but she met my gaze with one that could nearly rival mine. She was getting better..._

"_Oh..." I breathed out savagely, "Well there's the door, honey. Feel free to leave, don't expect me to be begging you to come back." _

"_I think I just will."_

"_You can find yourself a nice man who wants to make little brats with you."_

"_The wisest thing you uttered out of your shit-hole of a mouth, Nick."_

"_Thank you, darling. I try." _

_It always turned out like this... We would pin each other into corners, fly insults out to one another, grate against each other's nerves before patching it all up sloppily with intimate contact. Happened all the fucking time ever since we got married and let me tell you...I was only up for it because it entitled I got action, and I had a feeling she just wanted this relationship to heal on it's own. Well sleeping with me was not going to solve any problems - it'll make me feel damn right arrogant, but nothing else. _

_This relationship was dead a long time ago and we kept it alive through brief and rare heated moments of a past. _

_Lips found mine as I shoved her roughly against the counter, fingers tugging at the shorts she was wearing. It didn't take long to tug down her undergarment as hands untucked my dress shirt out of my slacks, hot fingers skimming the smooth plane of flesh. I flinched when fingers touched skin that was still sensitive and sore from a previous...adventure. The bruise ached and sobbed under her touch and it took quite a lot for me to not snarl and slap her hands aside. If I wanted this I had to bite my tongue and bear it with a grin. As my hands took it upon itself to discard my slacks, she was still occupied with unbuttoning my shirt. It was when she gave a hiss in disturbance did I vaguely remember that the last time she saw my torso was a good...month or so (you see, I did a good job avoiding fights. A month!). _

"_What the fuck is this?" she exclaimed as she pushed me back, her finger stabbing my chest as my eyes lightly trailed downward to my chest. Ah...yes, she hasn't seen that one yet. I wasn't quite sure if she was pointing at the scar that ran from the middle of my chest into a downward slant to my side or the inked markings littered about. I was going to take a wild guess and say it was possibly the one on my heart that made her really pissed. That was the new one she has yet to behold. There it laid a circle about the size of my fist with a circle of eight arrows pointed out - resembling more-or-less a compass. In-between each arrow was a skull, and around that was a coiled snake of small font Greek that formed the body. "Nick...I fuckin' thought you said you were done with that bullshit." So I told a little white lie...so maybe I make frequent trips to Queens, New York not to visit my family but...others. So maybe I bashed in someone's head on the hood of their car last night... Hey, at least my hobby is far more interesting than Fantasy Football. _

"_So...no make-up sex?" I sighed out yearningly, only to earn another slap in the face followed by the brunette hastily putting her clothes on. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that meant 'no'. Well damn. I was kinda looking forward to it now..._

"_I said no gambling. No drinking. No walking about like a fuckin' criminal. You would think that going to prison the first time would teach you a lesson...but you really want to go back again!?" she huffed out and I casually rolled my eyes and adjusted my slacks. Just because I went to prison when I was in my late teens meant absolutely nothing. I didn't even know her back than! Tch...anyway...who knew gambling was such a terrible thing. I'm innocent; I swear I suffer from PND: Pure Naivety Disorder. Ha ha ha - I swear. Would this handsome face ever lie to you? Wait...don't answer that question. _

"_So what gang are you in now? Mafia shit?"_

"_I'm not Italian... I don't know why everyone thinks I'm Italian... I don't even know a lick of Italian," I explained with exasperation as I filled myself a cup of a coffee and made my way to the table with casual strides,"I just like their food." I earned a sharp look and I replied by giving a chaste wink and blowing her a kiss. "It's just we have a good friendship with the Lucchese family..." I added after an after-thought, earning a dark scowl and a huff in disbelief. _

"_So mafia shit then." _

"_Oh please...we all play fuckin' nice to each other because they know we're the best when it comes to gambling and we know they're bigger than us. Wouldn't dream of going against the Five Families...talk about a death wish," I scoffed as I took a sip. "They'd probably go after you to get to me..." I added coyly and oh did hell itself rise from the center of the Earth to give her a helping hand. She was downright furious now and I restrained myself from chuckling as I watched her throw one hell of a tantrum. My brain did that beautiful thing where it shuts itself off so that whatever occurs right before me becomes a blur of incomprehensible action. The perks of being a man. So I got to skip to the end of the ten minute rage fest and finish it with her grabbing her purse and walking out the door. _

"_Oh no, please don't go away," I murmured into my cup with bland sarcasm as I smirked like hyena on the brink of laughing._

_I couldn't be with a woman who wanted a family when I rather focus on other aspects of my - ahem - career. I couldn't be in a relationship, period. It was just time-consuming and I enjoyed the multiple of lovers I would rack up in a course of a single week. I just didn't need her...I don't need her to function through life. _

_I was nothing but pleased that the bitch was out of my hair. _

_Good riddance and goodbye._

_

* * *

_

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review._

**A/N:** Whoops, forgot about the last dream sequence. It sat around and I'm busy working on the final chapter - so luckily I found it and went, "DUH! PUT THIS UP, WOMAN!" So here it is. Thought I'll keep it separate because if I put it with the last chapter...it just looks choppy. So here it is! Sorry for the wait with the Ellis stuff!

**(1)** Ah, you know the ring Nick has and the symbol on it? The tattoo is the exact replica of it...

**(2) Reason why Nick is Greek:** First off, making him Italian just feels entirely cliche to me. Secondly, if Nick is a gambling man than we have to connect him to the right ethnicity-based gang that are the kings at that sort of thing. Greek-American gangs are known for setting up racketeer businesses like dice games, horse-racing parlors, and other, mostly illicit, gambling venues. Plus, there are so many comments Nick makes throughout the game that pretty much shoves him in 'criminal' category. Thirdly...because I made it so!!!!


	7. The Remedy is a Lie

**summary:** _To think all of his problems would be solved the minute he reached safety after mucking about with the Infected. New problems only surface and he finds out rather quickly that there are some remedies worst than the disease._

**pairing**: Nick x Ellis

**rating:** 'M' for mature content

**Dear Monsters, Be Patien****t**  
**The Remedy is a Lie**  
**Written By:** of wolves and dogs

"_Trouble is, trouble was  
I crossed the line into just because  
Turned around in the wrong place at the wrong time  
We're holding up and we hold our breath  
No sudden moves and no regrets  
All we have are moments 'til the next time..."_

Lost At Sea by Hugh Dillon

* * *

When I first laid eyes on him, I swore to God that I was looking at the Devil. Satan and shit. Man, I'm not sure how to describe it...maybe not like Satan, that's not nice. Um...alright - when I first laid eyes on him, it felt as if I was looking at a god. I mean I know there's one God and all - Bible says so, but you know those stories about those gods - like Hercules stuff. It felt as if I was looking at one of them gods and let me tell ya, I was impressed. I thought that people like him only existed in the movies. One time I watched The Godfather with my friend Dave, and we were all thinking how cool it would be to walk around in a suit and smoking cigarettes in a 1937 Alfa Romeo 8C 2900. Man, I could imagine walkin' into a store and Limpy Phil pissing in his pants as he sees us walkin' all in lookin' tough and mean. Ha ha, might just scare the bejebus out of him.

Naw, but...he looked like he meant absolutely no good when I first met him. That nice white suit, those expensive shoes, nice dress shirt with a cigarette in his mouth. _Hoooleeeshiit_, was I pretty impressed that I almost forgot about the fact that zombies were jumping about and trying to eat our brains. I remember there was once this movie - shit, I can't remember what it's called, but I was sayin' that if I was a zombie I'd hide in a port-a-potty and scare the crap out of anyone who walked past me. Ha ha ha! Wouldn't that be neat - I mean, I don't like eating brains and stuff, though. Once my mamma was telling me that in some countries eating brains were pretty good. Man, I don't think brains would be good to eat. Probably taste like crap! I don't want to be eating crap - and I don't want to be eating no other man's thoughts! That's weird! Man, do zombies really even like brains? I wonder why? I mean I'd go for the liver - you can't go wrong with the liver. Just sayin'!

But he just stood there and even though I knew all of us were scared out of our minds, he would just be there smirking and grinning like one of them hyenas. Man, those things be crazy! Chanise - the girl who used to work in one of the local diner - used to tell me stories her grandma would tell her. Told me once that some African folklore tells how these hyenas are associated with witches stuff. Said if you killed a hyena, a witch would come after you and kill you through magic. Than she once told me that these hyenas could change from man and than back to hyena! They would trick you by changing into a human - or they'd be able to copy like your mamma's voice, tell ya to come outside and you come outside thinkin' it's your mamma and it's actually the hyena and it kills ya. Shit, and this guy looked like he would be one of them hyenas.

One time I shot Nick by accident - I swear on my Pa's grave it was an accident - and all of a sudden a Witch came up from behind me and attacked me! Damn! Ever since than I made sure not to shoot Nick by accident! I don't want them Witches after me! Guess Chanise's grandma was right!

I just couldn't get it around my head how classy and powerful one could be during scary times like these. Shit, and the man knew how to shoot which only made me admire him more. It was like finding a nice car, knowing it was in good shape and also gifted with an engine probably illegal in the states! Although I don't think Nick appreciate much if I told him I was comparing him to hyenas and cars. Ha ha, he'd probably shoot me!

But I can tell ya, we had a good group. Coach was tough, Rochelle reminded me of my mamma with the way she cared for me, and Nick was on a completely different level. He was sophisticated, cruel, sarcastic, and immoral. My mamma would have keeled over dead if she ever met a man like Nick. That's why I wouldn't be surprised if Nick was the Devil himself with his nice expensive suit and rings. So I did what I did best - I became the glue to the group. I love attention and I love knowing that I keep friends and family together. Whether it's telling a tall tale, cracking a joke, or just doing something nice...I was what kept everyone together. You got to be positive and sometimes people forget to do so. So I do it for them to make it up and let me tell ya something, I never gotten into a fight or ever made enemies with another living soul. Heaven be awaiting, haha!

I would tell my stories to lighten the mood, making instant friends with the lot save for one...

Nick. Nick refused to buy into the stories. Refused to buy into the "kumbaya bullshit" and would silence me whenever I began. That troubled be deeply because this was a first. No matter how hard I tried to form a bond with the man, he'd always shoot me down and turn away. I felt protected when I had a circle of friends and family all around me...and 'cause Nick didn't wanna play nice, I felt all the more vulnerable and scared. There was no love shared between us, and he made it clear that there never will be. I mean hell! What the hell did I do to deserve such treatment. Yet despite the fact I wanted to be angry and say something damn right clever in return, I could never match his quick tongue. His words stung me like a snake and all I could do was sit there takin' in the poison.

Steve Irwin once said, "You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny." Shit, and let me tell you was it dangerous pissing the man off. Once in a foul mood he'll wreck a storm of all sorts of negativity. I liked focusing on the good side of things, and he liked focusing on the bad side of things.

Compete opposites and yet that didn't tarnish the image of some dangerous god walking about beside me. It was when he did things that hurt that image - like killing the pilot, forgetting the guns - that ticked me off. If Rochelle or Coach did it, I wouldn't have been too pissed but seeing Nick do it made me furious. He shouldn't be doing that - gods like him don't do stuff like that. Those were the only moments I would lash out in anger as he would shrug his shoulders in pure nonchalance and sarcastically beg for forgiveness. Shit, even though he complains and goes about on hours how we are all stupid, the minute he's right and we're in the shitter...he does that whole 'I told you' face and struts about all Mr. All Knowing.

It was after a good while did I begin to actually realize every bad feeling Nick got about something, he was always right about it in the end. My grandma once had this sixth sense kind of deal going around. Said she knew when bad things would happen and would get these vibes. Once we were eating at the steakhouse and grandma refused to go in because there were bad vibes! Shit...so maybe Nick had this kind of sixth sense thing too? Well heck I wouldn't be surprised - I mean, he does walk about as if he's one of them gods. Didn't I already say that?

I mean...he didn't believe the stories about Keith and me. He saw right through me with those radioactive green eyes of him. He always seemed to. I had a hunch I couldn't even lie about the age of my Ma without him seeing right through me. It scared the shit out of me that he was one of those lie detectors and I wasn't quite sure what to do. So when he told me to shut up...I shut up. I was pretty sure if he told me to start barkin' like a dog I'd do it. Such strange power radiated off of him and I was in worry and awe at it. The man was damn dangerous. I mean, shit, he knew how to shoot, 'member? Coach was okay, Rochelle was slowly getting there but Nick was deadly with a gun. The minute he had his eyes on a zombie, it was dead in one fatal hit. It was like watching someone off of a movie! I remembered vaguely him saying that it was illegal for him to have a gun...

But I guess I never knew how deadly he could really be until that night.

My Ma always told me that it was a sin to be with another man - that nothin' good comes out acting all gay and stuff. I took her word for it and I don't want to be a sinner, and all. But...shit, I'm not even sure how to even bring this all up... I mean, I was happy to be Nick's roommate and all but the man was just off. He was different - more pissed at things, would look for fights and he reminded me of a dog with three legs that still thought it was the meanest junkyard dog about. I thought I saw the ugly side of him already. Moments where he would stare off in space - vacant and no longer in this world for hours. Moments where the usual Nick would no longer be there and replaced by silence. I knew shit got real when Nick became silent - because he always has shit to say no matter _what_ mood he's in. Him being silent is scary...him the next day attacking me was the cherry on top.

That wasn't Nick and it scared me damn right silly when I found myself pinned against the wall. It was like a rabbit being cornered by a hawk and plucked right out from the ground. At first I fought back because Ma always said stuff like that is bad. It just ain't right but...it did feel right. I was seeing them sunspots as he growled like a mean machine behind me, and I thought I was going to die. As much as I fought back...I thought I was going to die from pleasure. As much as something told me to fight and find nothin' great about this, I found myself slippin' into a pleasant stupor.

Nick never paid much attention to me. Wouldn't buy my stories, wouldn't even look me directly in the eye without sneering, wouldn't help me up if I was wounded, and the whole nine yards. Yet here I was being smothered with attention that I thought only married folks were allowed to indulge in. Finally I got Nick to cave in, and I doubted he even realized it. I reckon he thought he was the only winner in the end or somethin'. I fully felt protected even though Nick was all whacko and shit.

In the end you can't say 'no' to Ellis. I mean shit...if he was going to give me that kind of attention that leaves me weak in the knees like a sinner in church, than hell...I wouldn't mind for more.

Of course all that fancy thinkin' of mine came days later of me being a complete wreck. I was scared to tell anyone and Coach asking questions made me downright nervous I nearly pissed myself in fear. I couldn't have anyone finding out and thinking me some queer. Once my Ma told me that there used to be some queer or something that lived in town and he got his gonads cut off or something. I don't want my gonads cut off. No thank you! I'd like them in place, ya know? So I made sure to make things tidy and I fibbed when others asked me what was wrong. Fibbing was pretty much easy for me, something my Ma was never proud of. I always was good at fibbing when I was scared or nervous...

I'm sure she wouldn't be proud at all if she found out I had a little something for another guy. I ain't gonna lie but...if I had to choose anyone in the world to go all brokeback on I'd pick Nick. I mean, shit, after all he was something akin to a god (shit...sounding a bit obsessed. Ha ha). All suave and all - fancy suit and stuff. I suppose I should think it an honor, I suppose. And if things ever went south, I'd got that little tidbit against the god. Shit, I ain't stupid...I know what I'm getting into.

It just troubled me a bit that Nick was getting into his own troubles. Heard he tossed a table about - I knew he was hell-a strong. I mean shit, anyone who can keep me pinned against a wall and all that stuff has to have some crazy strength on them. It just troubled me that I didn't hear a word or see him for a week or so. Rumors flew about sayin' he finally snapped, but I dunno. I think he just needs to stop with all that negative thinking and be positive, ya know? If you think of bad things, they sure to come to ya. Think of good things, and they got to come your way. That's my rational! And hey, who is the best optimistic guy about to do the job? I got to help Nick out because it's the right thing to do. Plus...I got more attention. More proof that I just don't have enemies. Proof you just can't escape my spell.

Now that's where I ain't sure if I'd been doing this stuff because it's nice...or I'm just provin' myself right again. I mean, hell, I didn't need to go to the bathroom to make sure he was okay. I didn't need to do any of that...but...maybe I did have to to prove that I got my own devices and tricks. To wonder how far I could push him...how much pressure could I apply before he caved in? I'm not even sure if my logic even makes any sense, but I learned and saw quite a lot.

I saw some mean-ass tattoos on his skin that made me really curious on what they meant and said. Some weird-ass language going on his left shoulder right by a mean lookin' scar that looked as if someone grabbed one of them Japanese swords and sliced his shoulder in half! It was damn right scary seein' that. Than there was another one near the middle of his chest and the man only looked even more frightening. But...

I saw the god break in my hold and a terrible thrill rushed through my skull. Felt as if I just shot adrenaline into my veins and I couldn't help but grin like a goddamn fool as he crumbled against me.

I had him wrapped around my pinky just like everyone else when I tell my stories about Keith and me.

I was now needed by Nick. He would come to me and not the other way around, and I would give him a lopsided grin and comply. Damn right sneaky, right? And I couldn't help but reveal myself to him that night and let me tell ya...after that he would look at me and shake his head with smirk on his face. I would just smile back - it would be our little secret. I would keep his fall from grace a secret and he would keep the fall of my face a secret. It just made me damn right giddy that I had some sort of leverage - or power over a god. Felt mighty damn good. Felt like a king!

Ain't nothin' wrong being a king.

* * *

Limbs stretched in complete relief as my eyes stared rather curiously at the slowly setting sun. I could hazardly take a guess that it was somewhere between four and five o' clock. It took a whole month for me to finally be given outside privileges - and let me tell you it was a fuckin' blessing. You know how hard it is to smoke without being caught in this tidy prison of ours? It's difficult as fuck. Those guards always managed to sniff me out, haul me to the head of security to earn a lashing of a life time. Felt like I was fourteen all over again. Jesus fuckin' Christ, thanks Mom for telling me once more how smoking is harmful to my health.

I ran a hand through my slicked back hair, fingering a lock near the back of my head as I rested against the side of the building. It was the only area where the patrolling guards were blind to. Apparently they never bothered to look around the Northwest side of the complex to see if any certain ex-criminals were milling about smoking their life away. Thank God...I was in no mood to be hassled by the bastards. Fuckin' monsters with their fuckin' guns.

"Ah-ha. Found ya," came a laughing voice, causing my eyes to jerk to the right in near surprise. How the fuck did he find me? While I pondered this, I watched him give me that innocent smile of his as if he hasn't done any wrong in his life. That little fucker. I knew he was a little demon behind that whole 'I'm a good Christian' shit. What a load of bullshit...and yet he fooled me the entire time. Because of that I was impressed...and downright worried that the hick stuck a knife through my ribs a long time ago... To think I was played by a fuckin' hillbilly - downright insulting, if you ask me. But the kid was clever...he wasn't the idiot he played himself to be at times.

"It worries me how you always seem to find me," I remarked from my place on the grass as he casually took a seat beside me.

"Just followin' that ankle bracelet I have on ya," came the response in a warm chuckle as I scoffed in amusement. Kid was fuckin' smarter than he played himself to be. It was like playing poker and knowing the sad fuck across from you was bluffing like no other and was bleeding chips... Than realizing that in the end that sad fucker wasn't bluffing at all and just took the pot. Now I was the sad fucker and here was the victor rubbing it in my face, cooing into my ear that next time he'll be easy on me. Well shit fuckin' shit...thanks, asshole.

"Overalls, what happened to the nice hick who dreamed of rolling in a pool of yapping puppies?" I mused as I took a long drag out of my cigarette, smoke leaving my lips with sensual curves and wisps.

"Aw shit, Nick. I still wanna do that...I'm still a nice guy and all, I just ain't dumber than a box of rocks," he chuckled, waving an unopened Miller Lite in my face.

Holy fuck living Mary, Jesus and Joseph fuckin' Christ fucking a fuckin' donkey in the middle of a Palm Sunday service!

"Where the fuck did you get this!? Who are you and where have you been all my life?" I exclaimed. My hand lunged at the bottle, it was lukewarm but I could care less but let me tell you...if I wasn't afraid of curious guards milling about not too far off I would fuck the kid's brains out right here and right now. This was alcohol, my friends! BOOZE! The sweet nectar of the gods! Fucking gold in liquid form!

"The guards gave it to me," he explained as he revealed another for himself. Two? Well shit! "I've been fixing up their cars, ya know? So...I told them that if they don't pay me I ain't gonna do it no more. So they said all they got was a case of beer and I told them I'd take two for now," he smirked as he skillfully used his bottle to pop the cap off of mine.

I turned my head to look at him in complete disbelief as I extinguished my cigarette, flicking the rest of it aside. I stared quietly at my bottle of Miller Lite and honestly I wasn't a huge fan of beer. I was okay with wheat beer, but I thrived off of wine, champagne and vodka. But I was not about to complain - booze was booze. "You little weasel..." I accused as I took a sip, my eyes narrowed in suspicion as he chuckled into his drink as he took a swig.

"Ha ha Nick - you makin' me sound out to be one of them villains in those movies. I ain't - I swear. I just know how to get my way..." he laughed and I just lightly shook my head. The kid was fuckin' dangerous and I got the impression of those kids who act like little angels and butter you up to get that last cookie. To think this kid has been buttering everyone up from day one and I didn't buy it at first, but who knew that it didn't matter if I bought it or not...I fell into his trap from day one. He was this rising prince of duplicity. "Don't give me that look - my aunt gave me that look when I was twelve - or maybe it was when I was eleven. You see this one time Keith and me were playing tag with all the other kids. And we were running around the yard - like two acres of just backyard. It was huge!"

I let him talk. I had grown accustom to half-listening to Ellis's stories and it always made me wonder why the fuck Keith was still alive. That poor asshole was seriously a disfigured, fucked up mess if he was still alive. Zombies felt so bad for him that they let him be. I shook my head and took another sip of the beer, I was going to relish this baby and allow Ellis's words to become white noise.

"So we were running and stuff and there is like the shitter in the backyard, right? Septic tank, right? And you had to jump over this wooden plank because it was rotten and all, and if you step on it you'd fall in. So we all jumped over it and Keith accidentally jumped on the piece of wood! He fell right in the shitter!"

"That's gross, Ellis," I remarked, shooting him a look that clearly said, 'You are fuckin' bizarre'. He only smirked and went on.

"Auntie came running in yellin' at us kids and asking why we didn't help him out, but shit! We couldn't stop laughing because it was so goddamn funny! I mean I ain't gonna touch Keith! Hell naw, he can help himself out..." he laughed before falling into an odd form of silence that made me cock my brow. I didn't tell him to shut the hell up yet...why the hell was he doing it now? Fuckin' wait, dumbass. Let me do what I do best.

"Shit, Nick... I got a confession."

...err...okay? What are you gonna confess? You actually fell in the shitter? Hit your head and it made you insane? You started the zombie apocalypse? You wish you could marry me? Who doesn't? You should have been there at my wedding. Beautiful girls sobbed and cursed my name as I tied the knot. Ha ha ha - my trail of broken hearts all attending my wedding. My parents were extremely 'pleased' at that.

"Keith ain't real."

Oh man were my parents furious - wait what? I nearly choked on my own saliva as I just heard those words leave his mouth. Keith wasn't...real!? All those stories were fake!?

What the _fuck_!?

I bought into those stories! I told him to shut the fuck up because I thought they were ridiculous but I actually believed a fucked up individual by the name 'Keith' existed. I...but...no...but...really?

Well isn't Ellis filled with secrets and once again the kid tricked me... Overalls conned me once again... I stared at him incredulously as I tried to stop myself from continuing to choke on my own saliva.

"So Keith...was just imaginary...to help you cope or something?" I managed to finally stop choking. What the fuck was going on with reality and why was it screwing with me?

"When I get nervous I start talkin' shit. You like to smoke cigarettes and complain...I like to smile and tell lies." I wondered idly if he slipped up in the past than, and I rummaged through my memories to find a slip-up. I remember when he was talking about that one time Keith and him were trapped in a burning building and had to shoot off zombies...before realizing the two never did that and it was us who were doing it right now... Was that the slip-up? Well fuck...thought the kid was just stupid as hell. That little weasel...he was good.

"It really disturbs me how you're better at lying than I am..." I mused wryly as I carefully set my drink down. My fingers yanked at his collar, pulling him toward me as I hungrily crushed my lips against his. I couldn't lie but finding him unpredictable made my insides churn and ache in anticipation. Lips responded instantly with eager as a hand grasped the side of my head, pulling me closer.

We were going to be the death of each other, I could already summarize that, if we continued to be stuck in this pen any longer...in a course of a year we would both be lying in the gutter, stabbed in the back and gushing out blood. I could only imagine what more of a little tyrant this fucker could be if he was born into my family. He would have been something akin to a biblical plague and it frightened me how sweet and naive he pretended to be.

He was Chief Bromden to my Randle McMurphy. Chief pretended to be deaf and dumb and in turn he became the holder of many secrets as everyone dribbled them out before him. 'Oh, he's an idiot,' they would say, not paying him any mind. Not realizing that Chief easily became the man who knew everyone's dark past, their secrets, their wants... I suppose...I was no longer Clyde. The nickname was finally and truly discarded...

Well I can swear to you I'll get back at this little weasel for this. I'll do it my own way and take my sweet time since Ellis took his...

"You should hurry up and hate me," I warned against his lips when we pulled back for air, my sharp green eyes staring at those bubbling baby-blue eyes. They bubbled with laughter as that weasel grin of his formed on his face.

"I was about to say the same thing to you."

I hoped those monsters wouldn't kick us out yet... I hoped they kept us for a little bit longer. I couldn't recall a time I had this much fun and I couldn't recall a time when I finally became myself once more. No more hiding behind a face because there was no reason...Ellis could see right through me. He saw me as I was now and I now saw him: walking contradictions. We were each other's dangerous solutions to what seems like a now mild problem. Ha ha, or shall I say we were going to be each other's problems in the future... The remedies turning into poison. It was only tragic that the minute we are told to leave, we would part out separate ways and never share a word with one another. It wasn't my style. So this was all the time we got: numbered days.

So please...

_Dear Monsters,_

_Be Patient._

_- Nick_

**FIN**

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review. _

**A/N: **

**1) **I, personally, feel it is excruciating difficult to write as Ellis. I'm writing this and I'm going, "sdfhsuhuifhau! Goddamn you, Ellis!" He made me really think as I was writing. First off, Ellis when he is speaking is this constant train of thoughts, and I noticed that if something else popped in, he would turn to that path and start talking about that other subject... So I tried to capture that with the thought process where he'll break his train of thought to talk about something else mentioned. So that's for the writing. Ha ha, I tried!

**2)** No, he does not have Stockholm Syndrome. Nick believed him to have it, but Ellis does not. From the get-go Ellis always admired Nick in the way a fan can admire an idol. Ellis is constantly referring to Nick as something akin to a god or the devil himself. Which brings up this little notion I gathered when I first played the game. Ellis is just a little sweetheart and pretty much made me think of a cute, innocent puppy...but the minute he quoted the Misfits' "Die, Die My Darling" I went, "WEASEL!!!!" Also, there is no way in hell Keith is real...and if he is, Ellis really does like to tell tall tales as if it's second nature to him. So, I came to the conclusion Ellis is just one, huge walking contradiction. Thus his thoughts keep on changing from one view to the next. One moment Nick will be called a 'god' the next he'll be referred to as a 'devil'. Get my drift?

**3) **Oh man, this is the end! I want to give my love and thanks to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, etc. You guys are amazing!!!!


End file.
